I had every intention of learning Blondie’s “Rapture” for today BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY but that’s a whole mess of rap, y’all. And it’s practically all one chord. And four minutes of playing the same chord while trying to rhythmically rap french lines makes both my fingers AND my head cramp. So that didn’t happen. Y’all will just have to find your own version to listen to when you get sucked up tomorrow by the giant people hoover otherwise known as salvation. Or something. I’ve never been very good at the bible stuff.
Then someone sent me a giant box of meat surrounded by dry ice yesterday. And being the responsible pet owner that I am, I put chunks of it in the cats’ water bowl and watched their minds melt. And when I couldn’t stop singing “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” I decided to try and learn that. But it’s hard, Barbie. And I don’t learn that fast. And Rocco refused to sing the “Turn Around” parts so it sounded pretty silly anyway.
Don’t worry. There are still cats in it.
Yeah…about that. I think this mother fucking booze time calls for a little extra sumtin’, sumtin’ seeing as how some of y’all won’t be around next week.
Which reminds me, I have a whole mess of inflatable sex dolls to fill with helium before tomorrow…