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Welcome to the end of 2009, bitches. I can’t decide how I’d rate the year. It was five million times better than 2008, and not just because the lack of toxic chemicals being pumped into my system allowed me to remember and experience the year. That certainly helped, though. Then again I went and drank a whole [...] So now that we’ve established I’m going to live forever and not end up married to the ruler of a small third world country, I guess I have to start thinking about what I want to be when I grow up. I’m not exactly itching to return to the daily grind, but I can see the value [...] I spend a lot of time talking about how weird my family is. Today, I’d like to mix it up and talk about how weird my in-laws are. Specifically, I’d like to focus on my sister-in-law, Meg. While she claims she is of a perfectly normal height, I’m pretty sure Chelsea Handler would mistake her for a [...] As promised, I’m back with the second ever “Weird Searches That Bring People to My Site” post. November’s searches might even be weirder than the first time I tried this. You’re probably going to want to grab a drink before you read this. But you should shotgun that drink because a) it’ll make this more amusing [...] French Pottery The reception house of The French Manor was a-frickin-dorable, but I barely noticed the stone work as I burst through the front door and frantically sought les toilettes. As I peed for what was easily fourteen minutes, I took note of the ancient radiator grill by my feet and the crown molding around me. I [...] Me: Quick, list all the examples of weird plurals you can think of. Mom: What? Me: You know – mouse/mice, goose/geese, etc. Mom: Why? Me: I’m writing a thing on vaginas. Mom: Of course you are…your kind of vagina or the other kind? Me: Is there a different kind of vagina than the one I’ve got? Mom: I never know [...] Look out Dad; I’m going to talk about my honey pot again. (Rocco insisted I use that word. He thinks its HIGHsterical.) Well, it’s not my vag up for discussion exactly. This is more of a shout out to all the Twilight fans out there that also possess vaginas. Well technically you don’t actually NEED a vagina [...] Gwen: I really don’t want to go this afternoon. Me: Why? Gwen: It’s going to be a pap smear factory. Me: Ew. Did you trim your nails? Gwen (looking at nails): Yup, they’re nice and short. Me: Jeez! I was kidding!! You’re going to wear gloves aren’t you? Gwen: Well duh…and by the end of the day, I hope I’m able to [...] Crush Obviously my week got a little off track – a broken heart will do that to a girl. Before I move on from last week’s unofficial fine arts theme, I wanted to tell you about my trip to see Kate’s (my sister-in-law) exhibition while I was in North Carolina. Before we cruised to the gallery, [...] BahROOSE I always forget just how much fun a Bruce Springsteen show can be. While I enjoy his records, I rarely crave his music or seek out a particular song. As an artist, I’m not sure he’d even make my top twenty list. That doesn’t mean I don’t love the hell out of seeing his ass [...] |
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