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Mom: So. An entire post on a uterus? Me: It could be worse, you know. Rocco: If you say so. Me: You two should be grateful I write about plushy reproductive organs. I could write a blog post about all my past romantic endeavors. Or how hard my childhood was. Mom: Either way, that’s a short post. Ladies and Gentleman, my [...]  Rocco: So what’s in the package? Me: Oh, that body pillow I ordered. It’s almost as tall as I am. Who do we know that will let us seal them up in that box? Rocco: No, the little package by the TV. Me: You mean the uterus? Rocco: The what? Me: The uterus. Kate [...] I just spent ten minutes trying to figure out how to open my mouse to replace the batteries. The brain is not working. Hence the title of today’s post. But I can’t whip out that line and not tell you about the cyborg. See, we have some friends. Two of those friends got married, had sex, got [...] I think it’s safe to say Spring is here – as evidenced by the copious amounts of mucus currently congealing in the back of my throat. It seems like Mother Nature is finally going to let me wear a pair of cute shoes as opposed to the galoshes and snow boots I’ve worn exclusively for the [...] I can’t decide which hurts more today, my brain or my uterus. I like it when everything breaks simultaneously. No really. It’s my FAVORITE. Not that my uterus is broken. It’s just leaking. If I wasn’t racking my brain with all this computer/web related stuff, I’d probably be trying to dig that bad boy out with my [...] My plumbing is broken, my uterus is leaking, and the zombie is back in my fireplace. Obviously the way to solve all these problems at once is to run away, and that’s just what I’m going to do. I have a big day of garden traipsing and museum browsing planned. Before I break my two river rule [...] I’ve had my caffeine. I’ve eaten my shredded wheat. Still I can extract nothing from the brain today. I think I’m still suffering from a “Book of Eli” induced stupor. Seriously, DO NOT SEE that horrid thing. C.S. Lewis is more subtle. Besides, my uterus hurts. It’s making me whiney. My thinking is so fuzzy I actually [...] Today I’m hosting my sad little Hoboken Thanksgiving for the handful of orphans I was able to round up. Rocco has yet again banished me from the kitchen. Sure I managed to ruin three cutting boards and break the lemon press, but we’re up three blisters and two new scars. By my math we’re ahead! Good thing [...] I reached over and introduced myself to the new guy at the table. “Hi, I’m Elly…Thom’s sister,” I said as I stood to extend my hand across the table. My eyes traveled upwards for what seemed like an eternity. Saying nothing, he loomed over me like a giant Asian Frankenstein. He shook my hand and sat [...] Look out Dad; I’m going to talk about my honey pot again. (Rocco insisted I use that word. He thinks its HIGHsterical.) Well, it’s not my vag up for discussion exactly. This is more of a shout out to all the Twilight fans out there that also possess vaginas. Well technically you don’t actually NEED a vagina [...] |
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