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 Mom: So how did the sonogram go? Me: Ok. He’s only “slightly above average.” Once she was actually able to process what I asked, the doctor confirmed he is NOT Jabba The Baby. Mom: Well both you and Thom were almost 10 lbs. Me: I feel like maybe you’ve mentioned this once or twice before. Mom: I just looked it [...]  So I killed another cell phone. I’m really quite talented when it comes to electronics, don’t you think? So for those of you keeping count, this will be my 11th Palm Pre since July of 2009. No idea why HP isn’t going to support the technology anymore. *sigh* But in the process of cleaning out the phones, [...] Why isn’t never mind one word? Nevermind. Doesn’t that just look right? It sounds right, too. But apparently Webster or Oxford or some other oppressor decided it needed to be two words. And no matter how many times I type it as one word, spell check never wavers. Nevermind is wrong. Red dots scream their protests, like [...] This is EXACTLY the sort of thing you want to see before heading off to your vaginalyzer, ain’t it? *sigh* In other news, Thom has taken to calling me “She Who’s Uterus Will Soon Fit a Football.” Uncle. (Get it? Uncle? Uncle Thom and his stinky cabin? Also why is this post [...] Thom: Thanks for stealing my line. Me: What line? Thom: The “stop raping my daughter Lifetime Movie” line. Me: I thought that was Chris’s line. *Our waiter drops off a pitcher of beer and a blond beehive wig which Thom immediately places on his head.* Thom: You didn’t give him credit either. Me: I’m sorry. Thom: And I never said I wanted to [...] God that title sounds way grosser than it ought to, am I right? Like a bad Limp Bizkit album or something? (As if there’s any other kind of Limp Bizkit album.) Speaking of things that are in bad taste, it’s time for another video. Seeing as how it’s National Kazoo Day, I recruited (as The Beatles would [...] Hi Interwebz. Tis’ the season for me to crawl into a mug of mulled wine and giggle with my siblings, so I’m afraid you’re going to have to find your jollies (and vagina jokes) somewhere else for a little while. But before I embark on my epic quest to consume as much ranch dressing and Cheerwine as [...] I look like I had some serious redneck lovin’, Interwebz. My face is all swollen and I occasionally have to spit blood. Seems my dentist found a fourth cavity when he dug out the first three. Chemo is hell on the teeth, I tell ya. I’m sure my affection for cheesecake is completely unrelated. Also, I stopped [...] The only thing better than drinking a pitcher of beer with my brother Thom is drinking a pitcher of beer with my brother Thom while we play with a cellphone some fool at our table left unattended. That sentence seems awfully bold on second read. To be perfectly honest there are probably a zillion things better [...] My brain is a little sludgy lately. I’m not sure if it’s this cold that won’t go away or the weather. Actually, I’m pretty sure I know exactly what it is. I’m getting anxious about my next appointment with Aloysius. November 30th. Three weeks. Twenty one days. Dude. A lot of you are participating in NaNoWriMo (National [...] |
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