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 So I killed another cell phone. I’m really quite talented when it comes to electronics, don’t you think? So for those of you keeping count, this will be my 11th Palm Pre since July of 2009. No idea why HP isn’t going to support the technology anymore. *sigh* But in the process of cleaning out the phones, [...] I have an appointment with yet another paint roller, so I’m just going to give you this little musical interlude. Feel free to sing along. I’ll be belting it out on top of a ladder with Mildred.
And no, I don’t know what is up with me and Neil Diamond this week. I think I’ve [...]  If I ever win a Tony, I sure do hope it’s a year when NPH is hosting. I’ve already planned my acceptance. First, I’ll lick my award – Paula Deen style, y’all. Then, I’ll forgo a formal acceptance speech and dedicate my window of time to presenting a clear, concise (possibly bulleted and with full illustrations) [...]  I married my friend Darrell last weekend. Technically I married my friend Nicole, too. Oh relax, Rocco was there. He even took pictures. Yes, I’m an ordained minister. I have power vested in me. I don’t even own any vests, people. But still, I’m like…all pious and shit, now. I can bless things. I might even be hallowed. [...] If your Monday attention span is half as bad as mine is….did you say something? Huh. I could have sworn I heard did you happen to notice where I put my house keys? I wonder if Rocco remembered to forward the I haven’t seen Lucy in at least two hours. I hope I didn’t seal her [...]  I don’t think I’ve ever written a Wordless Wednesday post. If I did, I probably didn’t do it right. I mean, I’m allegedly writing one now and I’m already on my third sentence. But sentences are ok, right? It’s not called Sentenceless Wednesday, now is it? So all I have to [...] I had every intention of learning Blondie’s “Rapture” for today BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY but that’s a whole mess of rap, y’all. And it’s practically all one chord. And four minutes of playing the same chord while trying to rhythmically rap french lines makes both my fingers AND my head cramp. So that didn’t happen. Y’all will just [...]  First and foremost, I have good news. The parasite has a brain, a heart, two kidneys, two lungs, a liver…all those things you hope a human being will have. So yay. Second, the other news: As the sonogram goop started to dry around the edges of my gut, the technician withdrew her probe and asked if we [...] I know I should write about this Osama stuff, but honestly it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Something just feels horribly wrong about celebrating any sort of death. I mean, I wouldn’t even wish it on Rod Stewart. Much. September 11th was easily the scariest, most confusing day of my life. But I know I was one of [...] God that title sounds way grosser than it ought to, am I right? Like a bad Limp Bizkit album or something? (As if there’s any other kind of Limp Bizkit album.) Speaking of things that are in bad taste, it’s time for another video. Seeing as how it’s National Kazoo Day, I recruited (as The Beatles would [...] |
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