Like A David Bowie Song But With More Boobs

This morning, while waiting for the green light to condone another cup of espresso, I turned to my husband and whispered, “I’m drinking coffee.  Willingly.  I’m a suburban housewife that drives her TWO kids through the two-lane streets of Jersey.  In a minivan.  That drinks coffee.”  I glanced down at […]

Falling

There’s always something about the arrival of Fall that I find deeply comforting. Don’t get me wrong, I genuinely love Summer.  I love her reliability – her near-constant light and temperatures.  Once you hit 90, can you really discernibly tell if the temperature continues to rise? I love breezes, water, […]

License Plates and Unicorn Fakes

So first?  I think we need to acknowledge this video exists. Second?  I can’t lift my arms.  That’s not really true.  It’s called “creative license,” people.  Also it’s called “Elly decided that after pining for a yard of her own her whole damn life be damned if she’s going to […]

Dick’ll Make You Forget to Uke

Due to a most unfortunate incident involving a large piece of foam, a utility knife, and one of my fretting fingers, there was no uke last week.  Or this week.  Maybe not next week either.  Typing has been a little tricky.  Also my reupholstering project is indefinitely on hold. All […]

The Apple and the Tree

Mom:  (singing) Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen.  Nobody knows but Jesus. Me:  …and that bitch TALKS. Mom:  Christ, Elly.  You’ve such a trashy mouth. Was that good for you, too? Then click here and follow my Facebook page. Or even better, join the mailing list. Free pony with every […]

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