|
|||||
 So. Um. Hi. I don’t even know where to begin. I’m not even sure I’m really ready to begin. You know what, let’s just start with a picture. Yes. Paul is here. And while I’m trying to comprehend the enormity of him – his size, the responsibility, the relief, the emotions – I’m a big ol’ ball of [...] Doctor: So your baby is in the 90th percentile. Me: Fuck. Doctor: There are certain risks for a vaginal birth with a baby of this size. Me: *deep breath* Doctor: Even if you can pass the head, you’ve still got to contend with the shoulders. They can be damaged when we pull him out. Or – if he gets stuck [...]  Seeing as how today is my actual due date – AND I’M STILL PREGNANT – I’m going to spend the day on my feet bouncing, attempting lunges, and trying to resist the urge to throw myself down a flight of stairs. Dad says that almost always induces labor. I just haven’t tried it yet because labor [...] Just so we can document (again) how very bad I am with electronics, I’m sad to tell you I’ve killed my computer (again). While I try to resurrect this bitch (again) I’ll distract you with a video (again). Say, even though it’s nowhere near Easter time, do you think that whole being all ordained and shit thing [...] So it’s almost October – which used to signal apple cider, birthday cake, and Halloween for me. Now it’s the month where I dread the arrival of pink-themed merchandise and magazines filled with heart-wrenching tales of loss to breast cancer. And this year it’s especially hard because there’s been an awful lot of breast cancer awful close [...] So I’m officially done leaving the house until I’m on my way to the place with the epidurals. I can’t even take a walk around the block without getting stopped by someone who wants to talk about the weather balloon I’m smuggling under my shirt. “When are you due? Do you know what you’re having? Is this [...]  My attention span is getting shorter than my length of time between pees, so I’m going to distract you with the fantastic-ness that people send me. First, the cute. Patty Punker gave me this. I was going to originally wait and snap a pic with Paul in it, but based on those latest photos of THE OVERLORD, [...]  Mom: So how did the sonogram go? Me: Ok. He’s only “slightly above average.” Once she was actually able to process what I asked, the doctor confirmed he is NOT Jabba The Baby. Mom: Well both you and Thom were almost 10 lbs. Me: I feel like maybe you’ve mentioned this once or twice before. Mom: I just looked it [...] I swear to you Interwebz, every morning I sit down at this desk and think, “How about you NOT write about this effing pregnancy today, Elly? There’s only so much people can listen to you prattle on about whether or not Fort Cervix is still on lock down. There has to be SOMETHING else to write [...] I’ve been re-reading some of Alice Seabold’s memoir of that same title. She was, in some ways, the inspiration behind Lymphomania. I’m awed by her honesty, humanity, and humor in light of what she experienced. And so, in turn, I’ve been thinking about that word lately. A lot. Like alotta lot. Even before this weekend. But especially [...] |
|
      |
|||
|
Copyright © 2012 BugginWord - All Rights Reserved |
|||||
