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 Here’s another one to file under the “Shit I Can’t Make Up” heading. Thank goodness I have such amazing friends who bring this sort of thing to my attention.
God bless the Interwebz, y’all. And God bless Madge. Because this is the sort of shit a gal just can’t find in Martha Stewart’s magazine. You [...] Well Miss Krissy, it’s a good thing that you have “so muchroom for a mushroom” because I’ll be mailing you a hand-painted, fifteen pound concrete phallus later today. Just for good measure, I had everyone (Mom, Dad, Rocco, Thom, and Lucy) give the cap a little lick before I nestled Flournoy atop his bed of packing [...] I can’t decide which hurts more today, my brain or my uterus. I like it when everything breaks simultaneously. No really. It’s my FAVORITE. Not that my uterus is broken. It’s just leaking. If I wasn’t racking my brain with all this computer/web related stuff, I’d probably be trying to dig that bad boy out with my [...] My favorite voicemail, which I just can’t bring myself to delete, is from my mom. There’s no greeting, no introduction, no pleasantries, just one sentence: “Just wanted to tell you it’s fucking snowing here.” Sing it, sistah. Someone please tell me that it’s not really still snowing. Tell me that all the white shit in the [...] I’m not feeling terribly well today. My belly hurts. In fact, it feels like someone filled my intestines with Mentos and Diet Coke. I’ll just let you enjoy that visual for a moment. Some days I wouldn’t mind going through menopause again. You know what else hurts? My face – thanks to my dear husband’s elbow. My husband [...] I spend a lot of time talking about how weird my family is. Today, I’d like to mix it up and talk about how weird my in-laws are. Specifically, I’d like to focus on my sister-in-law, Meg. While she claims she is of a perfectly normal height, I’m pretty sure Chelsea Handler would mistake her for a [...] Look out Dad; I’m going to talk about my honey pot again. (Rocco insisted I use that word. He thinks its HIGHsterical.) Well, it’s not my vag up for discussion exactly. This is more of a shout out to all the Twilight fans out there that also possess vaginas. Well technically you don’t actually NEED a vagina [...] I’m not sure how it happened exactly, but somehow the whole weekend focused on my crotch. How many people say that after spending a weekend with their brothers? Thom and I got in late enough Friday night that we didn’t tackle anything terribly ambitious. Drew had already been in Ithaca a week exploring every nook and cranny [...] It’s funny. Well, it’s not so much funny as in “ha ha” funny. Then again, it’s not really funny in a “weird” sort of funny way. I guess it’s more of an “awkward” funny, like “wow-that-mime-is-restringing-a-tennis-racquet-while-singing-”kookaburra-sits-in-the-old-oak-tree” kinda funny. No, that analogy totally leaves out the disturbing angle. I guess it’s more of a “small-shackled-child-in-mime-makeup-restringing-a-tennis-racquet-while-singing” type of [...] |
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