I dreamt I was an old lady. I walked with a cane and wore ugly orthopedic sandals over thick rag socks. I puttered about in the tiny cozy kitchen in my tiny cozy house as an even older Rocco handed me a beautifully painted casserole dish. I dusted it with flour while Rocco carried a cheese [...]
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Back in the reception hall, I looked for my date. Instead I found Gwen crying like a little bitch and leaking mascara onto her chin. I don’t know why I was surprised. Last time we went to a movie the poor thing started weeping during a preview for a Miley Cyrus movie. I took her sobbing [...] I know I’ve mentioned my hetero life partner, Gwen, at least once or twice on this bad boy. Well that bitch went and got herself engaged. While I’m incredibly happy for her and grateful to her fiance for significantly decreasing the hours of Gwen maintenance required during an average week, I’m pretty anxious about this wedding. [...] I did something. Something just awful. Something I’m not very proud of. (No, it’s not the horrible sentence structure at the beginning of this paragraph but that was pretty bad, too.) But to be brutally honest, I’d probably do it again. It’s been two days and I’m just now able to talk about it. I really struggled [...] So let me preface this post by saying it is entirely possible that this will not amuse you as much as it amuses me. However, if it amuses you even a fraction of how much it amuses me, I hope you’re either wearing depends or not particularly fond of your upholstery. Then again, it might not [...] Maybe it’s just because my inner 13 year old is getting so much attention with all the New Moon talk (and because I’ve been listening to the audiobook all weekend), but I can’t stop thinking about the phrase “my entire life depends on it.” I don’t know how many times I squealed that as a tween. [...] I reached over and introduced myself to the new guy at the table. “Hi, I’m Elly…Thom’s sister,” I said as I stood to extend my hand across the table. My eyes traveled upwards for what seemed like an eternity. Saying nothing, he loomed over me like a giant Asian Frankenstein. He shook my hand and sat [...] Ok people, you really need to be more boring. I have this big long list of things I want to write about but you kids keep distracting me with your links, and your videos, and your Edward panties….SHEESH! (No Lydia, I really can’t write more than one a day. REALLY!) For example, I was plugging away yesterday [...] NaBloPoMo I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m the teensy weensiest bit Type A. And yet, somehow I’m also incredibly good at unemployment. What can I tell you, Interwebz? I’m an enigma. The last time I enjoyed unemployment was fresh from my “downsizing” at Columbia Records. (That is a story that you won’t get out of [...] I might have to add a monthly feature here on your favorite BugginBlog. I have this worry though, you see. Sometimes my sense of humor can be a little…off (or so I’m told). The things that make me snarf and accidentally inhale ranch dressing into my nose might not have the same effect on the average [...] |
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