Hells to the yeah, Interwebz! Just in case you didn’t hear already, my scans were cleaner than Lindsay Lohan’s crotch. Which…makes it sound like they were filthy so that might not seem like the best analogy. But let’s face it, I’m really not THAT clean myself. Still, I’m pretty confident Lindsay’s crotch is cancer-free. So I’m [...]
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I’m full of the twitch. (And I don’t mean the lovable superstar hip-hop phenom from SYTYCD. Though being full of Twitch probably wouldn’t be all bad. Crap, four sentences in and I’m already in the gutter. That’s gotta be some sort of record.) I’ve been upping my caffeine intake to try and combat my NoGoFreBouScanNoMo brain sludge. [...] My brain is a little sludgy lately. I’m not sure if it’s this cold that won’t go away or the weather. Actually, I’m pretty sure I know exactly what it is. I’m getting anxious about my next appointment with Aloysius. November 30th. Three weeks. Twenty one days. Dude. A lot of you are participating in NaNoWriMo (National [...] So first things first, I suppose. I’m all clean! Well, my CT scan is all clean. I’m still a filthy minded, hygienically challenged miscreant, but you people seem to go for that sort of thing. Who Needs Wheaties? It took all mother fucking day. I had my breakfast of champions at around 10am. But I didn’t leave [...] Just call me Grumpelstiltskin. I’m crabbier than Lindsay Lohan’s couch cushions and I can’t seem to break out of my funkagawea. Even reading a slew of vagina-related comments this morning on yesterday’s post didn’t pull me out of my funk. Well, that’s not exactly true. Apparently I’m just not in a vagina mood. When Britt introduced the [...] Before we get started here, why don’t you stroll on over to Craftastrophe and check out my latest find. It’ll put hair on your chest. Literally. Speaking of which, I’m going to mix it up, Interwebz. Today, rather than talk about my vag as per usual, I’m going to talk about my boobs. Who says I’m a [...] I rocked that bitch. Ass slaps and David Lee Roth kicks all around! Fifteen months down, seventy more years to go. Like a teenager who stayed up far too late watching a horror movie, home alone while her parents were away on business, I feel foolish for the past two weeks of worry, the frightful hours I [...] I overslept. I’ve no time to regale you with tales of platypus wearing high school friends dancing on tables constructed of jello (by the by, spicy Cajun food and high anxiety might make for disturbing dreams), but I do have time to leave you with today’s theme song. I’m going to sing it on the bus, [...] I’ve got rock climbing on the brain today. “Really Elly?” I hear you asking. “I don’t really think of you as the rock climbing type.” Yeah well, just because I’ve never actually attempted rock climbing doesn’t mean I can’t still use it as the basis for an analogy. I’ve never been to space, but still I [...] I know I’ve mentioned my hetero life partner, Gwen, at least once or twice on this bad boy. Well that bitch went and got herself engaged. While I’m incredibly happy for her and grateful to her fiance for significantly decreasing the hours of Gwen maintenance required during an average week, I’m pretty anxious about this wedding. [...] |
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