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Apparently it’s going to take me more than three months to not squirm at the “m word.” And no, I don’t mean moist. So. I’ve been a…*cough*…a mo…*swallow*…a moth…*cough, cough*…a mothe…*ahem*…a MOTHER (there I said it!) for three months. Three months. THREE. MONTHS. (Hey, Jenny Slater.) Also? Please don’t expect me to call Rocco “Dad.” “Dad” lives in [...] So first? I love that you crazy people don’t even need me to write new posts to keep the site going. All you need is the mention of nipples and the comments just keep flying. Well played, you pony-humping freakazoids. Second, until I’m able to answer the question, “What did you do today?” with something more interesting [...] So it’s almost October – which used to signal apple cider, birthday cake, and Halloween for me. Now it’s the month where I dread the arrival of pink-themed merchandise and magazines filled with heart-wrenching tales of loss to breast cancer. And this year it’s especially hard because there’s been an awful lot of breast cancer awful close [...] You know what really chafes my ass? Hemorrhoids. I’m naming this one Artemis. I’d estimate he’s about the size of a semi truck. I know, I know the God was a chick, but it’s my hemorrhoid and I’ll decide what his gender is. And HE is a total dick. Ergo… Of course, all the over-the-counter stuff used to [...] I’ve got no jokes today, kids. I’m more than a little heartbroken. And don’t panic – I’m fine (physically anyway) and so’s the parasite. But this guy isn’t. Most of you probably won’t even remember him. After all, that post is from nearly two years ago. Two years. That means two years of chemo and fear and pain and [...] First the good news: not only am I still cancer free, two and half years later (WOOT!) I also had a magnificent dream last night where by future BFF Neil Patrick Harris and his partner lived in a bus next to my window and we played ukuleles together all night long in a desert while sipping [...] I think I’ve figured out why I’m not sleeping. And surprisingly, it’s not just because I looked at this photo just before going to bed last night: Replace the Gulls with Swans and Let the Nightmares Begin Though I’m quite certain that didn’t help. (I’m looking at you, Creamed Corn.) You see, Interwebz, I finished my book. Or [...] Once upon a time (or a few months ago), a brilliant and beautiful blogger posted about how her wee two year old son randomly turned to her and said, “Mommy, you are a possibility.” Is anyone else crying yet? Am I still suffering from sleep deprivation and PMS? Can you tell me how to get, how to [...] I dropped my paperwork into the clear acrylic bin beside the door to the lab. I moved to take a seat, but when I saw a shaking bald man approaching, I perched on the window ledge hoping he’d take the last available chair. The otherwise smooth skin of his head was divided by a long puckered [...] Hells to the yeah, Interwebz! Just in case you didn’t hear already, my scans were cleaner than Lindsay Lohan’s crotch. Which…makes it sound like they were filthy so that might not seem like the best analogy. But let’s face it, I’m really not THAT clean myself. Still, I’m pretty confident Lindsay’s crotch is cancer-free. So I’m [...] |
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