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 If I ever win a Tony, I sure do hope it’s a year when NPH is hosting. I’ve already planned my acceptance. First, I’ll lick my award – Paula Deen style, y’all. Then, I’ll forgo a formal acceptance speech and dedicate my window of time to presenting a clear, concise (possibly bulleted and with full illustrations) [...] I’ve officially achieved a whole new level of crabby. Rocco: Good morning, beautiful. Me: Fuck you. I can’t decide if it’s day seven of consecutive overcast skies, hormones, delayed moving dates, aching joints, tornadoes, an impending visit with Aloysius, the lack of floating people on Saturday, my failed hard drive, or the fact that none of my underwear fit [...]  First and foremost, I have good news. The parasite has a brain, a heart, two kidneys, two lungs, a liver…all those things you hope a human being will have. So yay. Second, the other news: As the sonogram goop started to dry around the edges of my gut, the technician withdrew her probe and asked if we [...] The only thing better than drinking a pitcher of beer with my brother Thom is drinking a pitcher of beer with my brother Thom while we play with a cellphone some fool at our table left unattended. That sentence seems awfully bold on second read. To be perfectly honest there are probably a zillion things better [...] I don’t understand why you people get so excited about Fall. Sure, it has it’s positive qualities: apple picking, using the oven again, pretty colored leaves, Libra birthdays *fist bumps*. But nobody ever talks about it’s dark side – the evil, putrid underbelly of this mistakenly beloved season. Fools. If you ask me (not that you did, but [...] Apparently you people think I talk about vaginas a lot. (Side note: it still drives me absolutely batty that vaginas is apparently not the actual plural of vagina. For some reason I can’t bring myself to type vaginae. So suck it, spell check – I’m going rogue. But not in a Sarah Palin way. She’s a [...] *whimper* My ass is officially kicked. Next time I consider taking a gig to cover a six city tour in three weeks, can you please punch me in the kayak? Hard? With brass knuckles? If you aren’t allowed to take decongestants, you probably shouldn’t fly cross country with a sinus infection. I blew out my ear on the [...] Operation Keep Elly Distracted seems to be in full effect. I can’t count the number of amusing emails people have sent over the past couple of days with the subject of “made me think of you.” It’s some weird shit. My reply? I think that if that made you think of me then clearly you think I’m [...] I’m not sleeping so well these days. You’d think the cooler nights and increased consumption of wine the past two weeks would have me sleeping like a baby, but no! Seems I keep having these weird, horrible nightmares – and they’re always about my mouth. I think it’s Rocco’s fault of course. (It’s always easier to blame [...] Yesterday I thought I’d take a much needed break from the un-pack-a-thon to hang with one of my all-time favorite people. Ever have one of those people that just makes your brain feel good? Very rarely do I analyze a logo, layout, or writing approach without pondering what Jess’s take would be. I respect her opinions [...] |
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