The Second Oldest Profession

Rocco:  You look nice this morning. Me:  No. Rocco:  *waggles eyebrows* Me:  No. Rocco:  *jerks head towards bedroom* Me:  No. Rocco:  I didn’t even ask anything yet. Me:  No. Rocco:  Let’s go in the other room and ravage each other. Me:  No. Rocco:  No?  Are you sure? Me:  *stare* Rocco:  […]

Blue Balled

My feet were on the floor before I could fully register the sound.  The fuck?   I was sure I’d heard a crash.  The lamps on the bedside table had rattled, hadn’t they?  My water glass scraped against the stone coaster, right?  Could it have been another earthquake?  Or was that […]

The M Word

Apparently it’s going to take me more than three months to not squirm at the “m word.”  And no, I don’t mean moist. So.  I’ve been a…*cough*…a mo…*swallow*…a moth…*cough, cough*…a mothe…*ahem*…a MOTHER (there I said it!) for three months.  Three months.  THREE.  MONTHS.  (Hey, Jenny Slater.) Also?  Please don’t expect […]

Deep Space Boob

Brace yourself, Interwebz.  I have to talk about my boobs again. For those of you desperately in need of a vagina fix (Heh. That was way more fun to type than I even imagined.), may I suggest checking out this link.  (So incredibly not safe for work but still amusing.)  […]

Definitions

“Aren’t you a happy baby? Yes you are. Yes you are! What a happy baby!” They cooed at each other while I aggressively scrubbed the yellow crust that had collected on a shelf support long before we moved into the house. I withdrew from the cold, white box, tripping over […]

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