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I’m quitting. Again. My wee Hoboken apartment has been on the market for four frickin months – four long, long, vacuuming filled months. We’ve received a whopping ZERO offers over those four fabu months. So as of this morning, my apartment is off the market. Uncle. The end. Stick a fork in me. I’m singing and everything. With [...] I’ve never sued anyone before. Let’s take the positive approach here. You’re supposed to try one new thing every day, right? Well today’s new activity will be suing a bank. Hoo-frickin-ray. You guessed it – all is going rather poorly in my quest to move to Maplewood. Move…aw HELL…all is going poorly in my quest to make [...] It’s funny. Well, it’s not so much funny as in “ha ha” funny. Then again, it’s not really funny in a “weird” sort of funny way. I guess it’s more of an “awkward” funny, like “wow-that-mime-is-restringing-a-tennis-racquet-while-singing-”kookaburra-sits-in-the-old-oak-tree” kinda funny. No, that analogy totally leaves out the disturbing angle. I guess it’s more of a “small-shackled-child-in-mime-makeup-restringing-a-tennis-racquet-while-singing” type of [...] Holy niftiness, Batman! As you well know, I’ve been desperately pining for a little patch of dirt ever since I moved to the city. I often daydream about what veggies I would cram into the fictitious garden I tend in my head. There would be kale, brussel sprouts, strawberries, and tomatoes. Copious quantities of tomatoes! Nothing [...] Two months later, we’ve finally heard back from our title company. The news ain’t good. I guess it isn’t horrible, either. First, let me back track and catch you up. Many years ago in a magical land called Washington Heights, our hero (I won’t use the feminine version in case Thom reads this – you know his [...] Just when it seemed that things were getting boring, Rocco went downstairs to collect the mail. Special delivery on a Saturday brings us my OFFICIAL LEGAL NOTICE from the Hoboken City Municipal Court. I tell you, direct mailers are getting really creepy these days. Can’t wait to see what limited time offer I get to refuse [...] I’m having one of those days. Feeling worthless and without purpose. So of course I decided to scrub the bathroom floor by hand. After conquering a particularly heinous corner behind the commode, I stood up quickly and cracked the ever lovin’ bejeezus out of my cranium on the ceramic towel bar. I then proceeded to sit [...] What A View My living room window faces an old hostess factory that has been renovated and now is home to a CVS and a New York Sports Club. When we moved in to the apartment back in ’03, the building was a boarded-up, bricked-over mess. Living through the construction was annoying, but the [...] Day two of the Great Closet Renovation of ’09 (or as I like to call it – the condolence prize for not successfully moving) did not go as smoothly as day one. Let’s just say some idiot (well maybe not an idiot per se but more of a chemically retarded individual) is not as skilled with [...] The Before Closet There are many, many qualities that I love and admire in Rocco (he makes me my green tea with honey every morning, he watches “So You Think You Can Dance” with me, he always carries the heaviest bags). All but one of these qualities fade into the background for me. Today I am [...] |
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