Search Optimization-ish

It’s that time of the month again.  No not THAT time.  (I’m always this bitchy.)  It is time for another wrap-up of the strangest search terms that brought people here to my little Buggin world last month – or proof that the End of Days is upon us.  It could go either way, really.

deep, inspirational crap” – I am SO your girl, Wayfaring Google Searcher.  In fact, I’m elbow deep in inspirational crap.  And vaginas.  And boxes, but more on that later.  I can’t imagine you really care about the boxes.  Unless they’re inspirational boxes.  Or deep boxes.  Or crap boxes?  You’re wearing me out, Wayfaring Google Searcher.  Is nothing good enough for you?

rocco’s vagina” – He doesn’t have one.  I checked.  Repeatedly.  I mean, no one’s ever had an un-descended vagina, right?  You know what, I’m not even going to google that.  One of you can report back to me.

does willie nelson have his own state” – If the great state of Awesome counts, then YES!  The state flag is a bandanna.  The state bird is my middle finger.  The state seal is a leopard seal and has opposable thumbs and can hold a bat.  The state plant is…well, duh.

Nothing Says "Sweet Baby Jesus" Like A Thong

jesus as a vagina” – I’ve seen Mary as a vagina but not Jesus.  Yet.  Maybe this is what they were looking for? (Don’t click that at work, perv.) All I know is that each of my brothers is getting a pair of these for Christmas this year.

franzia vat recipe” – Patty?  Are you listening?  They’re looking for you, Patty.  Your Franz-ciples want you to lead them.  If you concoct a vat of Franzia filled goodness, they will come.  Say, is a vat big enough to bathe in?  I want to be sure I pack accordingly for the vat-a-thon…

can i use vaseline in my throat?” – Everyone knows you only use vaseline on your lips.  Oh.  And on your teeth if you’re one of those pageant people.  Um.  And on your tongue if you’re “dating” Charlie Sheen.  But that’s it, ok?  Never vaseline past the uvula.  Also, someone tell Charlie he shouldn’t pass the uvula, either.

vaginas how do they work” – Like magnets? This just further supports my theory that Juggaloos can’t get laid.  I’m going to ask Willie’s leopard seal to bean you upside the head now, k?

mennonite song to the unicorn theme – Doesn’t that sound magnificent?  I thought so, too!  So I googled it.  And?  It IS magnificent.  Even if there aren’t any mennonites.  Unless Shannon is a mennonite and I somehow missed that detail.  Turn up the sound.  You’re welcome.

Stay tuned, Interwebz.  I’m sure they’ll only get worse with the passing months.  Not unlike Charlie Sheen’s kidneys.


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29 thoughts on “Search Optimization-ish

  1. Vaginas only work like magnets when you’ve landed on Juggalo Island with Insane Clown Possee. The poles reverse and you need to lock up your bits to protect them from all the dangerous missles wearing clownface headed toward them at full speed.
    If the barrier is breached I heard you can spray disinfectant and stun them long enough to get away.
    I only said this because someone sprayed my hair with half a can of Aquanet and I’m still high.
    I promise my next comment will make sense.

  2. Those panties terrify me.

    Though I did once know an Argentinian named Jesus. And if I were looking to hand over vaginal ownership, he would be a possible candidate.

    I feel better now.

    – B x

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