This Week’s Tweets

Just stood by while Dad explained to the optician that "The best thing for cleaning eyeglasses is white cotton underpants." #
Virginia bound. It's about time this kid found out about ranch dressing and sweet tea. #
Must be all those years living in Manhattan, but I get a bit agoraphobic when I can't reach the toilet and [...]

Where the Wild Crushes Are

You may have already seen this, Interwebz.  But I’ve watched it at least seven times and it still slays me.  So I can’t risk you missing it.  Thusly *said with a thick lisp*….

This Week’s Tweets

Me: "I need another song." Rocco: "Did you do Karl Marx yet?" Me: "You mean Richard?" Rocco: "Whatever." #
Amen. http://t.co/1HeRUG0s #
Rocco just tricked me into watching Moneyball. I'm never watching a baseball movie without Charlie Sheen and/or Jobu ever again. #
Either I've taken up sleepwalking, we have a ghost, or Mildred has learned how to [...]

This Week’s Tweets

Cutting out dairy is surprisingly easy…when you replace it with bacon and french fries. #
Huh. I thought for sure that diaper would smell like asparagus. Experiment FAIL. Also, I may need to get out more… #
Heh. I'm easily amused at 5am apparently. http://t.co/HHnMiDll #
Surfing the Internet looking at the #PIPA and #SOPA blackouts feels a lot [...]

Protesting With Slutty Koalas

God bless The Oatmeal.

And hooray for Veg because she finds the [...]

This Week’s Tweets

Everyday is an exciting new adventure in bodily fluids…and not so fluids. #
He may look like Rocco, but he inherited at least one thing from me… http://t.co/pq0RUo1S #
Rocco just said with no hint of sarcasm, "Hopefully it snows." I'll be spending the next forty minutes lecturing and slapping him. #
Day 5 dairy free…and I've somehow managed [...]

This Week’s Tweets

*Dad returns from fetching the paper* "Best news ever! Oscar de la Renta has managed to combine earmuffs and headphones!" #
it's not every day you find a tinfoil-wrapped, stuffed kangaroo in your mailbox. #
Mom: "You already serviced all those trees out back, right?" Me: "Can we maybe rethink our verb choice?" #
Huh. Turns out a [...]

This Week’s Tweets

…and so begins my annual quest to see just how much chocolate a person can consume in a single day. #
Santa apparently digs ukes, too. http://t.co/vSdia2Xe #
Quick! I need a good reason NOT to buy Justin Bieber xmas wrapping paper on clearance. #
Happy New Uke's Eve!!!! [...]

This Week’s Tweets

I may or may not have wrapped all the presents with glue sticks and rubber bands. And Paul may or may not be covered in glitter. #
New ring = awesome fun http://t.co/N93r8Dj5 #
"Honey, do we have a protractor?" – Not what I was expecting. #
Why does this amuse me so? http://t.co/QEk5inhL #
This waiting room smells like [...]

Pretend I Mailed This

xmaspaul

Dear Friends, Family, and Interwebz,

Look what I made with my vagina!

I’m talking about the baby, not the shuke (shirt uke, obviously).  Though I guess technically my uterus made Paul.  My vagina wasn’t terribly involved in the process since he was delivered via c-section, but she did get the party started.  I guess we’ll just call it [...]

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