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I had dinner with two of my three brothers last night. I thought for sure I’d have a fantastic blog this morning because those fuckers are hysterical, right? RIGHT? Denied. It’s like they’re TRYING to thwart my aspirations to have one single coherent and mildly amusing post this week. Fuckers. I don’t think they said two words the whole [...] Keri: Have you heard of Broken Bells? Me: I’ve heard of them, but I haven’t heard them. Are you a fan? Keri: I think so. Me: What do they sound like? Keri: Angsty. Me: Like vampire emo angst or skate punk angst? Keri: Neither. More like “I can’t find a good brunch place” angst. Me: Oh! Hipster douchebag angst – like [...] Day 5. No cell phone. I’m about this far *making same hand gesture I use to describe Tom Cruise’s penis* from painting a keypad with my own blood onto a volleyball and calling it Webster. Fortunately, I don’t think I can fit a volleyball in my back pocket. If the real Webster 7.0 doesn’t show up [...] They weren’t supposed to leave until tomorrow, but that Mom o’ mine is like a horse. No, she doesn’t have disturbingly large nostrils and front teeth…much. Once she smells the barn there’s just no keeping her away. Also, I may or may not have worn them the fuck out. Mom’s seventy year old knees do not take [...] Me: Hey Lady! Mom: Hi Honey. I’m sitting here with your aunts… Me: Hi guys! The Aunts: Hi Elly Lou! Mom: …and we’re singing Hallelujah and discussing the lyrics. Me: Ok… Mom: We want to know what it’s about. Me: In my opinion? I mean, I’ve never really read any official statement from [...] I’m trying to be patient. I’m trying to be supportive. I’m trying to be understanding. I’m really trying to be the best damn old married hag of honor I can be. I’m trying…. I’m trying not to smack the shit out of my favorite bride to be. Gwen has had a tough couple of months both professionally and personally. [...] [My phone rings...] Me: Mwah time is it? Where am I? Rocco: Sorry Hon, where did you park the car? Me: Is it Tuesday? Oh wait, you’re driving? Rocco: It’s Friday. The buses aren’t running. Me: I think it’s on Garden. Rocco: K, thanks. Me: Be safe, k?
Me: Are you looking forward to your trip to Paris? Gwen: I guess so. I’m not very prepared. Me: What, like you’ve got no clean underwear? You don’t have all your vaccinations? Gwen: No, I haven’t read any of the guide books or picked up any French phrases. Me: You don’t know any French? Not even the lyrics to Lady [...] This is what happens when I leave my cell phone unattended in the presence of my sibling: The worst part? Thom didn’t set the reminder so I totally missed the appointment. Poor Rocco’s been walking around with an unshaved taint for like eight days now! I’m the worst [...] As a general rule, I’m not a very picture oriented blogger. Sometimes though, words simply won’t suffice. Last weekend was such a time. Game on. Thom and His Candle Dad in His Scrubs To the left is my little brother Thom. People say we look A LOT alike. I suppose it’s hard to tell in that picture, [...] |
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