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 So far my parents are failing miserably at the little “Grandkid Caretaker Trial Run” test we’ve given them with the cats. Well, that’s not entirely true. They were going gangbusters for a bit there – building toys, attempting to play chase despite arthritic knees, napping on the floor of the basement in the hopes that Lucy might [...]  I’m the worst Jim Henson fan ever. I didn’t realize yesterday was the anniversary of his death. Then again, I always think it’s nicer to celebrate the anniversary of someone’s birth. Which, for Jim, is September 24th. But I saw this video this morning and there’s no way I’m going to remember to save it until [...] Mom: So. An entire post on a uterus? Me: It could be worse, you know. Rocco: If you say so. Me: You two should be grateful I write about plushy reproductive organs. I could write a blog post about all my past romantic endeavors. Or how hard my childhood was. Mom: Either way, that’s a short post. Ladies and Gentleman, my [...] Thom: Thanks for stealing my line. Me: What line? Thom: The “stop raping my daughter Lifetime Movie” line. Me: I thought that was Chris’s line. *Our waiter drops off a pitcher of beer and a blond beehive wig which Thom immediately places on his head.* Thom: You didn’t give him credit either. Me: I’m sorry. Thom: And I never said I wanted to [...] Rocco: Girls really like horses, don’t they? The Entrepreneur at Work Me: Oh I dunno, I was never really that into them. Unless you count unicorns. But I sure liked horse books like My Friend Flicka. Rocco: *coughs* Me: Yes, I suppose girls really like horses. Rocco: Wasn’t that Victoria’s secret? Me: What? Rocco: Didn’t she make it with the horses? Wasn’t [...] The only thing better than drinking a pitcher of beer with my brother Thom is drinking a pitcher of beer with my brother Thom while we play with a cellphone some fool at our table left unattended. That sentence seems awfully bold on second read. To be perfectly honest there are probably a zillion things better [...] Seeing as how today is Veteran’s Day and both my parents are veterans themselves, I’m going to say thanks to them for their service by not making a single vagina joke in today’s post. Instead, I’ll just point you to this fascinating article on cricket testicles. The tuberous bushcricket’s testicles account for 14 percent of its body [...] Me: Is this the coolest thing you’ve ever seen? *shows page from catalog* Ripped From the Latest Signals Catalog Rocco: Since when do you like Jane Austen? Me: No, the t-shirt! Rocco: *blank stare* Me: *singing* Now bring me prisoner 24601, your time is up and your parole’s begun. You know what that means? Rocco: *blank stare* Me: *whispers* Sing, “Yes it [...] So just to summarize the week so far: I watched a “comedy” that left me sobbing, I forgot my vagina story, and instead of finding a loving supportive group, I discovered I’m one of a whopping three people that vacuums their oven. And I haven’t even told you about my cat Lucy’s latest debacle involving brussel [...] Me: I need a word. Thom: Bird. Me: No. Thom: The bird is the word. Me: No, it’s like “frequent” but it’s not that. Thom: Elly, I don’t know if you’ve heard but the bird is the word. Me: Bird is not the word. It has more syllables. And it’s a verb. Thom: The bird, bird, bird – the bird is the word. Me: [...] |
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