I was out on the front porch with Paul and, rather than his usual “Joy of Sex” selection, he pulled a book of Folk Tales from the the shelves.
I’d never really looked at the book before. I think it’s Rocco’s. I mean, if it’s not mine it must be his, right? And inside the front cover I found a page number written in blue ink.
So I flipped to that page. Same way you always re-read the sections someone else has underlined in that tattered novel you picked up at the used bookstore, right?
Then I choked. Half on my own spit, half on a laugh. And, because I can’t make this shit up, here is the story verbatim:
Why People’s Noses Run When They Catch Cold
Long, long ago, there was a king who had a son, and this son had two penises hanging there. So when it came time for him to marry, his father planned to marry him to a girl with two vulvas. But although they searched far and wide, they couldn’t find such a girl.
The king’s son died without ever getting married, so he became a ghost who wandered around looking for a girl with two vulvas. This ghost searched everywhere and looked very hard, but he just couldn’t find one. And so, since there was nothing else to do, he began doing it to people’s nostrils. From that time on, people began to catch cold. When somebody catches a cold his nose is stuffed up at first and he can’t breathe, and then later his nose starts to run. That’s because when the ghost puts his penises up there the nose feels stuffed up. After he’s finished, he takes them out and that’s when people can start to breathe again. But because he left his liquid up there, their noses run.
So. There you have it. And it’s all kinds of literary. Next time you’re stuffed up, you can blame a Korean ghost for nutting in your face. You’re welcome.