Due to a most unfortunate incident involving a large piece of foam, a utility knife, and one of my fretting fingers, there was no uke last week. Or this week. Maybe not next week either. Typing has been a little tricky. Also my reupholstering project is indefinitely on hold.
All the fingers on my right hand are just fine, though. And I can still work a corkscrew. *High five*
So instead of massacring another song, I’ll just tell you about my latest embarrassing problem.
It started when a friend of mine posted this video on facebook:
Oh sorry, I should have warned you not to watch that. Because you’re probably going to have the same problem I’m having – randomly muttering, “Dick’ll make you slap some body,” and then giggling madly.
I can’t stop. It’s fine at home. Paul doesn’t seem to mind one bit. But a girl gets some sketchy glances while hanging in the produce section of Whole Foods trying to wrangle a half-eaten avocado out of a kid’s mouth and scolding him with the words, “Dick’ll make you shoot somebody in the damn face,” before resuming a game of peek-a-boo with a pineapple.
A fellow I originally believed to be out of ear shot tripped when I sang to Paul, “Let’s head back to the meat wall…but I bet it’s not singin’ like that lady’s vaginal walls.”
I haven’t traumatized that many old ladies in a single shopping trip since that phase where I couldn’t hear the words “kielbasa sausage” without shouting, “Butt cheeks is warm!”
It’s been weeks, people. I should really be over this by now. Especially since every time I say, “The penis is a heat-seeking missile,” Rocco shakes his head and mutters something about not being funny. But it’s way too fun screaming into the phone, “DICK WAS GOOD!” when telemarketers call.
I dreamt last night I had to vote for Romney because he whipped out one of those lines during the debate. I’m not sure it if was a nightmare or not seeing as how I woke up giggling.
So. Just remember, dick’ll make you loose control. And it’s MFBT.