Benign! Take that, twitchy ovary. #
Turns out I wrote a eulogy for the wrong body part. Should have begun, "Today we gather to mourn the loss of Elly's nipples." #
My kind of pink washing! Save the boobs by buying sex toys. Well done, @toywithme. http://t.co/hUMpVWRe #BreastCancer #
Boo. Hiss. *looks at calendar*. Double boo. Double [...]
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 Happy almost Halloween! I think my costume will be Flaming Nipple Sleep-Deprived Lady. I know, EVERYONE is going to be in the same costume and I’ll be super embarrassed but it just seems so much less work than crafting this bad boy… And no, I haven’t practiced my uke even once this week. Or last week. So [...]  So. Um. Hi. I don’t even know where to begin. I’m not even sure I’m really ready to begin. You know what, let’s just start with a picture. Yes. Paul is here. And while I’m trying to comprehend the enormity of him – his size, the responsibility, the relief, the emotions – I’m a big ol’ ball of [...] Sneezing sucks. # More things you don't want your doc to say: "Sure hope you didn't buy any newborn-sized clothes." # Doctor: So your baby is in the 90th percentile. Me: Fuck. Doctor: There are certain risks for a vaginal birth with a baby of this size. Me: *deep breath* Doctor: Even if you can pass the head, you’ve still got to contend with the shoulders. They can be damaged when we pull him out. Or – if he gets stuck [...] Happy #LIVESTRONGDay I'd wear yellow, but none of my clothes fit anymore – and it's pretty nifty I lived to see that. http://t.co/ouVkHe4u # There is nothing more ridiculous than a pregnant lady trying to hold a ukulele. So you’re welcome. Again. Be warned, this is a long one. I just didn’t have the heart to cut a verse out because the words are just lovely. Plus they’re from NC. The band that is. I guess the verses are too, then. [...] Still. Pregnant. *head: desk* Last night I dreamt this kid came out weighing 50 lbs. I blame Thom for sending me this video.
Fucker. Fortunately, I also dreamt I was a professional ice skater, so I’m going to hope this isn’t some sort of premonition. Yesterday some lady at the mall I’ve never seen in my life started rubbing [...]  Seeing as how today is my actual due date – AND I’M STILL PREGNANT – I’m going to spend the day on my feet bouncing, attempting lunges, and trying to resist the urge to throw myself down a flight of stairs. Dad says that almost always induces labor. I just haven’t tried it yet because labor [...] |
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