I don’t get embarrassed much. You may or may not have already picked up on that. I mean, just a few weeks ago I had a conversation with my family and friends about the best way to make a mold of my vagina while we consumed a dinner of sushi.
Note: I didn’t think that was weird at the time, but apparently some of my fellow diners did. So I’m just going to take their word for it and believe most families don’t have these conversations. But feel free to go ahead and tell me you’ve had the same conversation with your siblings. It’ll make me feel better.
But every now and again, I get a little embarrassed. Like, for example, when I realize that someone I used to work with in my former life reads my blog.
I’m starting to get used to it, but it still throws me for a loop every now and again. Especially when one of those people (like a respected professional who’s field of expertise confuses me to the point my brain hemorrhages when I try and have a coherent conversation with him) pings me with a link to a video and the message, “Are you writing copy for commercials with cats now????”
I thought it might be that new Sprint commercial. It’s not. It’s SOOO much better. It’s…well….it’s VAGINAL.
But then I watched the video and all was right with the world again.
As I mentioned on Friday, I’m hopefully closing on the new house today. But they don’t know when we’ll have furniture. It might be tonight. It might be mid July. Awesome. But the moral of the story is I don’t know when I’ll be back online. So if you drop by craving a good vagina joke only to find me still missing, don’t worry. I’m probably not dead. I’m probably just working out some latex logistics and fighting with the cable company.
So now that you have the bad news, I’ll distract you with happy thoughts. I hereby decree this the song of the summer. It’s the Hey Ya! or Hot In Herre of 2011. Tell your friends.
If i don’t see you before, have a great 4th of July. Try not to get arrested, k? After today I’m hoping to be way less solvent and I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to bail ALL y’all out.
I see where your former life dude was coming from!
YOU totally wrote it. You and the Old Spice guy. Saucy devils. Good luck with the house stuff dude.
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Pumped Up Kicks has been on my playlist for a few weeks now, my kids like it because they think it’s about outrunning a bullet.
Anyway, they played the 9:30 Club last week!
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those other diners musta been all kinds of stuffy. it’s not like you were discussing making molds of sushi and consuming a dinner of vagina. because who would make molds of sushi?
good luck with settlement and the furniture!
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By latex you mean body paint, and by cable company you mean where’s my fluffy, pink bondage equipment…don’t you?
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Personally, I prefer the term “vulvalicious.” And I like the Sprint ad too!
Good luck with everything, Elly. Have a great summer and see ya when we see ya.
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If I don’t hear from you by August I am going to start checking under every large pile of boxes I see.
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That cat video? Super vaginal!
And Pumped Up Kicks sounds so fun . . . until you read the lyrics. Shit, man. I don’t want a serious undertone in my music. I just want to shake my booty.
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OMG! What a fantastic day to make a reappearance. Best use of a cat in a video ever. I mean most vaginal use of a cat in a video ever! Vaginal!
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Good luck with the (hopefully) new abode. Also, furniture is over-rated. Or, at least, that’s what I kept on telling myself when I had to sit on the cold stone floor for 14 weeks while they messed up my couch order.
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Imma write a new vagina joke here every day until you come back into the internets. Or at least today. My memory is shit so I’ll probably forget. No pomises as to the quality of the jokes.
What is the difference between a vagina and apple pie?
You can eat your mom’s apple pie.
ba dum dum
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This whole post is just vaginal! And really, what else would you talk about while eating sushi? Because, well, sushi is vaginal!
I haven’t decided about the song yet. However, all the guys in that video dress exactly like my future son-in-law. I’m not sure what this means. Either he’s very fashionable, or their just as fashion challenged as he is. Either way. *shrugs*
Big squishy smoopies to you while moving and sitting on floors (cause that’s hard on a pregnant chick).
♥Spot
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I would commiserate about inappropriate dinner conversation, but, alas, I don’t eat sushi. So . . . my conversations about turds and deer ticks over franks and beans are clearly appropriate. Everything’s fair game as long as the sushi’s cooked.
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Good luck on the furniture arriving on time. don’t talk about vagina molding in front of the movers. They dont understand things like sushi chefs do.
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In the future, swipe card boxes will be vagina shaped so I wouldn’t be too worried.
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Is it weird that I have no problem with “accidently” pulling up all sorts of dirty websites, click anything that says NSFW and always get the zoom on stock photos that get “mixed up” in my results, but I am hesitant to visit the vaginal website?
I didn’t think so either. Keep it real, Elly Vader.
(I just licked your face)
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Why is the internet like a vagina?
The more people use it, the bigger it gets.
Terrible. Come back soon. Plz.
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Toe tappy! Good look with the furniture. Don’t forget your vagina mold.
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A vagina walks into a bar…
Um, I got nothing. Come back. Bring jokes.
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I’ve found myself similar dining happenstances of awkward. It’s fortunate that my partner and her family are equally awkwardly inappropriate.
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No worries. I talk about my vagina at the dinner table with my family all the time. All.The.Time. And other people’s vaginas…my sister’s, strangers, that kind of thing.
I’ll miss your vag…you. I mean you.
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I so need to try those vagina chats at dinner. However, If you read a story in the news about a family that suffered mass heart attacks over dinner you may or may not be responsible.
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OMG! You have read my mind! hahaha This post is VAGINAL! As a matter of fact, this entire blog is VAGINAL!
And yes, my family talks about weird inappropriate sh*t all the time. It causes fights, laughs, tears, and blogs. Your family is completely normal… well in my world anyway. 
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The internets is plum out of vaginal humor and needs re-stocking.
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Hey! I know I left a comment on this post…. It’s not like Moldy Privates is something I’d forget about…
Hope all is well.
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Have I told you lately that I love you?
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VAGINA! Just had to get that out, feeling better now. Hope all is well in the land of wherever the hell you are.
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