Pejazzling – More Shit I Can’t Make Up

I Sprocketed again today, people.  Apparently Osama is going to be in a porno.  I can’t make this shit up.

Speaking of shit I can’t make up, the people that brought you vajazzling just introduced a revolutionary new product – The Pejazzle!

Oh thank heavens!  Speaking of which, if you’re planning on getting sucked up to those heavens on Saturday fellas, you’re gonna want to get a move on bedazzling your junk.  Time (and glitter) is of the essence.  Righteous ladies like shiny things.

The line of Pejazzle jewels work just like the ones they make for the ladies.  You have to wax your bits, then carefully glue on your “decorations.”

You can choose from all sorts of sexy designs – like a pair of red glittery ladies lips.  Which, personally, I would find rather disconcerting and would doubtlessly be distracted by thoughts of double dipping douches like Ahhhnold and Tiger.  Or for you athletic types, they have an iron cross pattern you can slap on your sack for your big Iron Man competitions.  I’m sure THAT won’t chafe at all in a wetsuit.

But really?  I’m envisioning this:

Richard Simmons = Rhinestones. Duh.

Those Brits really know how to have a good time, don’t they?  Come to think of it, ramming jewel encrusted things in and out of their faces might explain those stereotypically dicey teeth…

46 thoughts on “Pejazzling – More Shit I Can’t Make Up

  1. bwahahahahahahahaha. I squeaked. At work. Now the people I’m working with today are sorry they asked.

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    The answer is always Richard Simmons. How can anyone judge that?

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  2. But…they wouldn’t be able to put it in…wouldn’t they come off while…

    Oh dear.

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    I hear tell some clinics are actually gluing on little tiny IUD’s and using this method of implantation now.

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  3. I love glue and glitter, but I don’t want that shit anywhere NEAR my private parts.

    Infection waiting to happen.

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    Plus it chafes. Not that I know from experience or anything.

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    omg. i just got a really bad image in my head. not of you, just the chafing.

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  4. As an Engineer (I used to play one on TV)I’d just like to point out that expansion and contraction issues are the typical root cause of paint & adhesives failing to bond to an object.

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    Boy don’t I know it. Rocco’s life goal is to somehow get magic shell to harden without losing an erection. He probably needs to get out more.

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    Magic shell just ain’t gonna work.
    However, this will:
    http://store.babeland.com/dildos-silicone-realistic/clone-a-willy-kit

    You’re welcome.

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    That’s weird, names don’t appear in replies, and I never noticed it before.

    Anyway, watch the demo video. It’s hilarious.

    –SarahT

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    I have a friend who’s actually DONE this. Also? There’s a vag version. But I have yet to determine if you can also then use that mold to make multiple plaster casts. Not that I’m researching being able to do that or anything. Ahem. But IF someone knew a great product for that, I’d be interested in hearing about it. Allegedly.

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  5. Why would you pay for their fancy kits when you can pick up a bottle of Elmer’s and a jar of glitter for $3.50 at Michael’s?

    related: It’s awesome that Eric’s such a sound sleeper. I just got a super idea for a craft project for this weekend.

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    Don’t forget to get a tiny top hat and some googly eyes while you’re there.

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  6. Um…well…yeah, I’m speechless. And not only because you kind of made us picture Richard Simmons’ schlong.

    Also, Alyson has a point there.

    ♥Spot

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    WOOOHOOO Richard!

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  7. What the…! How’d you get that picture?! I knew I shoulda just burned my old netbook in a bonfire.

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    Heh. I have a pic of Vinny’s junk? This feels like a Sprocket piece in the making.

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  8. This is a good way to go blind.
    Someone throws on the lights while you are on your knees and the light show from those things will burn holes right through your retinas.

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    Also? It makes me want to do the hustle.

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  9. Thank you so much for posting this. The only thing that could make a post about pejazzling any more awesome would be adding a little Richard Simmons to it.

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    Richard makes almost all things better. But not tuna salad. That’s just tragic.

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  10. I so want it to have an audio component with Richard Simmons giving encouragement. But I will say if Mr Grumpy came at me with a pair of disco balls I would be putting up the hell no sign!

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    I can’t stop singing “I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.”

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  11. You just simultaneously popped the eyes from my lover’s head and caused major fear shrinkage in his private bits…now what am I going to pejazzle? Another creative weekend dashed!

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  12. I just have one question: If a guy puts on those things, he will not expect a BJ right? ’cause that’s major choking hazard? Ladies, I say we buy these in a truck load!

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