This was originally going to be a post for Sprocket Ink, but I chickened out. Because I have no problem posting things that might be considered offensive here. Also because I think the topic of Osama has been sufficiently covered over there. So I posted this piece about how BJU encourages their female students to focus on their MRS degrees instead.
The moral of the story? YOU get to read the deleted piece here instead. Because I’m apparently incapable of writing more than two pieces in a single morning. So it was this or a video of the ending of Empire Strikes Back with kazoos and faux dialogue dubbed over the original. This seemed slightly less annoying. You’re welcome.
In an exclusive interview with Osama Bin Laden’s college roommate, this reporter has learned that Bin Laden’s greatest love was the Star Wars series. Preferring to remain anonymous, the roommate, who we shall refer to simply as John, provided great insight into Bin Laden’s mindset during those formative years.
“Sam’s side of the room was practically wall-papered with pictures of Yoda and Ewoks. He said they made him feel tall and powerful – said he wanted to ‘crush’ them. I was always like, ‘Sammy, dude, you’re like…six and half feet tall. How much taller do you need to feel?’ But he’d just ignore me, flop on his bed, and stair up at the poster of Chewbacca he had hanging up there. That dude loved him some Chewbacca. He always claimed to identify more with Darth, but when no one else was around, he only had eyes for Chewie.”
When questioned about the timing of his former roommates death, John cast his eyes down, shook his head, and paused before speaking. “I know he did some seriously bad stuff…I know that. But I can’t help but wish it’d all happened just a few days later. I wish he could have had just one more Star Wars Day, one more chance to slip into his furry Chewbacca costume and bellow at the stars from the roof of his compound. That’s how I’ll always remember him – making guttural animal noises and covered in yak fur.