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Before we even get started, you should probably know I have a couple of posts over at Sprocket Ink this week. One’s about a zombie proof house. One’s about prostitutes. I’m nothing if not completely focused on journalistic integrity. CBS is going to be calling me any day now. Come to think of it, the evening news [...] Y’all know well and good how much I love Broadway. Nothing makes me happier than dance belts, spray glitter, jazz hands, and huge choreographed numbers. Truth be told? I have to bite my lip each and every time I settle into my seat and that first swell of music washes over me, just to keep from [...] Next time I tell y’all that I’m going to sell a book, sell an apartment, buy a house, and allow an alien fetus to take up residence in my spleenicular cavity SIMULTANEOUSLY, can one of you slap me? In the face? And maybe give me a mean, squinty-eyed, disapproving look at the same time? But then [...] Monday. Raining. Hormonal imbalances. Didn’t sleep. Again. Also, I watched an evil villain kill a wolf/dog on HBO last night. I suppose it’s redundant to say “evil villain” because there aren’t really any other kind of villains, are there? Well, they could be saucy or athletic or perforated, I suppose. But I’m not aware of [...] In hindsight, pregnancy and pushup bras probably shouldn't be combined. #ISuckAtGalas #GonnaPutSomeonesEyeOut # I’m reading an epically long, thick novel entitled Shantaram at the moment. I’m on page 629…out of 936. As I might have already mentioned, it’s not short. Like at all. And it’s sometimes very difficult to read because all the characters have unfamiliar foreign names that seem to consist entirely of Ks and Hs. I’ll [...] You know how sometimes in life 917 things happen simultaneously and about 70% of those things are really good and exciting and then 27.3% of them aren’t bad exactly but just really time intensive and kind of draining and then there’s that 2.7% of shit that totally terrifies you and you know you should focus on [...] It’s time for yet another installment of “The Peeps at the Vaginalyzer’s Office Have No Idea How to Handle Me”: Me (writing name on sign-in sheet): I’m here and I brought my vagina! Clueless Receptionist: Pardon me? Nurse: Hey crazy, how you feeling? Me: Like I need a margarita. Clueless Receptionist: [...] |
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