First? I love you people. Madly. I love you like Courtney Cox loves Botox. I love you like LiLo loves stealing things. I love you like drag queens love glitter. Y’all just about made my heart burst yesterday. In the good way. Not in the, wow-maybe-I-should-cut-back-on-the-meth kinda way. It kinda makes me wish I’d painted a [...]
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I keep trying not to write about this. Because I know it’s not the sort of thing you’re supposed to say out loud. But people, I say everything out loud. And trying not to write about it makes it the only thing I think about which makes it impossible for me to write about anything else [...]  I’m thinking my next career should be in television. I have a brilliant idea for a new show. I dreamt about it last night. Are you ready for me to drop this brilliance on you? Cooking with Steven Tyler. Right? Am I right or what? I’m right, peeps. I’m sure of it. Can’t you just picture our favorite dirty [...] Rocco and I have spent the last twelve hours fighting over whether or not I’m the same height as John Larroquette. I say he’s not that much taller than I am. Rocco says he’s five inches shorter than Larroquette. I say that’s not that much taller than I am, especially in heels. Rocco says Larroquette doesn’t [...] Someone please tell me those white chunks coming out of the sky are mini-marshmallows. Please. I'm begging here. # So my surprise? Is actually only 18 inches. But each one of those 18 inches is exquisite, dammit.
If you don’t have the patience to watch the video, I’ll sum it up for you: Today is my blogiversary and I’m giving away a hand painted (by me) ukulele to one of you lucky bitches. But you [...] Seriously, I’m thinking about adding a toll booth on my kayak because the amount of traffic going in and out of there there days is enough to put LiLo to shame. Yet again I planned poorly for an early morning appointment so you’re going to have to settle for a video today. (Though there’s an article [...] Dear Winter, Why the fuck are you still here? Seriously. It’s March! What’s with this in with a lion, out like a lion bullshit? It’s not supposed to snow in March. I’m pretty sure it says so in the Geneva Convention. Or maybe the Treaty of Versailles. Regardless, you’re breaking international laws here and I won’t stand [...] When you go to a museum and look at a Picasso, do you think, “If I just took a few art classes, I could totally do that?” I’m pretty confident that a couple of voice lessons aren’t the only thing separating me and Patti Lupone. And as much as Rocco likes to play with balls, it’d [...] |
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