With all the excitement from the Grammys last night, you probably forgot to get your special someone a special something for Valentine’s Day. As usual, I’ve got your back, Interwebz.
Flowers wilt. Chocolates melt. Roaches are forever.
Can’t decide on what to get that special someone for Valentine’s Day? Sometimes the answer is all around us, and right where it’s been for millions of years—like cockroaches! How better to express your appreciation for that special someone than to name a Madagascar hissing cockroach after them?
Sadly, I’m not making this up. True story. You can see it here.
…and as everyone knows, all things classy come from the Bronx. Ahem.
Naming a roach in honor of someone near and dear to your heart shows that you’ve noticed how resilient, resourceful, and loyal that person is. Or maybe it’s in recognition of your one and only’s virility, or strength in the face of high radiation. You’re not afraid to say, “Baby, you’re a roach!”
But not just any roach….He or she is a Madagascar hissing roach, the biggest and loudest of these stalwart insects. WCS’s Bronx Zoo has 58,000 of these brown, iridescent beauties, and they need names. With a $10 donation, one of them can be named by you. How sweet!
Please. PLEASE. Can we get some sort of bill before Congress outlawing the combination of the words “brown,” “iridescent,” and “beauties” in a sentence?
We’ll send a truly memorable certificate of honor to that certain someone explaining that there’s a special insect living at the Bronx Zoo with his or her name on it.
I have to admit the certificates are pretty damn classy. Well, as classy as something from the Bronx and covered in cockroaches can possibly be. Check it:
Happy VD, bitches. Spread it wide and far to all those you love. And start hording Cipro.
How in the heck did you know that’s exactly what I wanted? Screw ladybugs! Roaches are the bomb!
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If ladybugs and roaches screwed, would they make the biggest polka-dotted bug ever or what?
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This is where I lived for three years in college:
http://www.uwsp.edu/resliving/reshalls/mayroach/index.htm
The woman does a good impression of a roach, don’t you think??
Rachel´s last [type] ..The heart of a woman- 2011
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You know the best way to celebrate her very roachness…
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Well, especially considering she’s been dead for years.
(The bugs crawl in, the bugs crawl out, the bugs play pinochle on your snout…)
Rachel´s last [type] ..The heart of a woman- 2011
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Nothing says love like: “I was just thinking of how our love could stand the test of nuclear radiation… Which made me think of cockroaches… Happy Valentines Day!!!”
I wonder if they give cards too.
Vinny C´s last [type] ..Unusual Outcomes
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Yes. But you can only read them in the split second after you turn on the light.
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Wow. I can always count on you for classy gift giving ideas! I sure hope someone names a roach after me. What a compliment. I think?
♥Spot
Spot´s last [type] ..The one where I try to get back on trackno really- I mean it this time
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I’m getting misty just picturing the tender, beautiful moment.
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Nothing says love like a chitonous blattarians with a surly attitude.
MJenks´s last [type] ..Happy St Valentines Day!
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Exactly. What you said. Didn’t Captain Kirk have sex with a blattarian once?
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If it was sentient and had a portal big enough to accommodate, I’m pretty sure Kirk sexed it up.
MJenks´s last [type] ..Happy St Valentines Day!
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Hiss.
I’ve seen these fat succulent beauties roaming around their display case down in the much avoided insect section of the National Zoo. Then I am instantly transported to a nightmare of a daydream where one infiltrates a bodily oriface lays eggs and has it’s offspring devour me from the inside out leaving my brain for last so that I can be conscious of the sheer horror of the situation.
Dufmanno´s last [type] ..The Confirmation Reception Made Me Feel Bleak
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This is wonderful! I’m going to name something after Neil. Like my green hat.
Hellachella´s last [type] ..RHODA HAS AN OWNER!!
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I haven’t stopped crying yet. Oh Rhoda…you could have been so happy here.
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I would never name a cockroach in honour of My Rare One. But I have a whole list of ex’s that maybe I should send a cockroach valentine to!
Debra She Who Seeks´s last [type] ..Gutterballs
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I named one Rod.
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My first response automatically gravitated toward the comment about Kirk and the size of someones portal. What does that tell us?
Dufmanno´s last [type] ..The Confirmation Reception Made Me Feel Bleak
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That you don’t mind cockroaches? What does it mean that I gravitated toward this comment?
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That you are at least as big a dork as the rest of us. And that you like a good portal.
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i’m naming mine “scarface” because no one sayz “You fucking COCKERRRROACCHHH” better than al pacino.
happy valentines day, my favorite lovebug!♥
pattypunker´s last [type] ..voices in my head
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Would you believe I’ve never watched Scarface?
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all I can say is ewwwwww.
Barb´s last [type] ..My 5 things
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You know, the Bronx might even make Jersey look good. And that’s saying a lot, given that we have that Snooki problem to overcome.
Melissa Romo´s last [type] ..God- I Begged You To Get Some Therapy
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She’s about the same size as those Madagascar roaches.
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I’ll take roaches over crabs, I guess.
Andrea´s last [type] ..More Human Than Human
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Never bet against a crustacean.
Dufmanno´s last [type] ..The Confirmation Reception Made Me Feel Bleak
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Or against a Sicilian when death is on the line. Who’s a dork now?
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Oh dear, I hope they don’t tell the roach it’s name is now LiLo, it might start drinking too much and showing up to court in hand me down Sharon Stone dresses.
Wicked Shawn´s last [type] ..Analyze This……which is probably copyrighted or trademarked or whatev…
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I’m pretty sure roaches already don’t wear any underwear.
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I have never seen a live roach. Seriously. Unless you count this guy I know named Darryl.
dbs´s last [type] ..The Weight Against the Door
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What planet are you living on?
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Well, whoever did get that classy certificate with the roach got more than i did. Stupid husband. Think I may need a new one.
Sandra´s last [type] ..Lingerie and battery operated hand mixers
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I recommend getting a used model. Less depreciation.
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I wonder if these are the surviving roaches from when Fear Factor was cancelled. Lucky bugs. Even luckier that they’re safe in the zoo, never to actually meet LiLo’s crabs.
SisterMerryHellish´s last [type] ..Chinese Red String Theory
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yes!! this is great idea
do they do this on days other than v-day? i’m thinking maybe birthdays, christmas, congratulations you’re not pregnant day…
cali´s last [type] ..la la land
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Did you get one for me? If so, remember to use my Chinese name. Oh you mean they don’t tattoo the names on the roaches? What a scam!
subWOW´s last [type] ..The Antidote to VD
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