When I’m not researching the latest in DIY projects for my vagina, I occasionally read books.
Oh fuck it, I’ll tell you about the book next week. I can’t NOT talk about this:
Personally I have no interest in “bling for my fling.” Or in referring to my kayak as a “fling.” My vagina is not a verb. Wait…*awkward pause and rustling of fabric*…yup it’s definitely not a verb.
There’s another fifteen minutes of that infomercial over here if you really need to hear that Pussy Cat Doll doppleganger lady coo, “smell good, taste good, feel good, look fantastic,” another seventy-two times. Though that’s still less skeevy than her ending each segment with a little jiggle and the words, “your lovahhhh.” I keep waiting for Will Ferrell and Rachel Dracht to randomly appear.
Well I’m pleased to launch my own DIY vagina kit for the New Year – the Buggazzle. It contains a roll of duct tape, multi-colored pipe cleaners, and a baggie full of self-adhesive googly eyes. Don’t worry, KeepingYouAwake! It also works on twigs and berries! And if you order in the next fifteen minutes, I’ll mail it to you for the low, low price of $69.95. Act now and I’ll throw in a box of sharpie’s so you can write secret messages to your lovahhhh on your vulvahhhh.
Also if vajazzle is the melding of “vagina” and “bedazzle,” does anyone else wonder if this product was originally designed for another…um…area?
Damnit. I grossed myself out again. The end.