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I can’t believe I am actually posting a video of me attempting to sing and play a ukulele. Well, the good news is my family will now have more than sufficient evidence when the have me involuntarily committed. You should probably go read a different blog now and skip this video entirely. Run. Now. Don’t look back. [...] I had dinner with two of my three brothers last night. I thought for sure I’d have a fantastic blog this morning because those fuckers are hysterical, right? RIGHT? Denied. It’s like they’re TRYING to thwart my aspirations to have one single coherent and mildly amusing post this week. Fuckers. I don’t think they said two words the whole [...] As you probably noticed, I’ve been a little off my game for the past week or so. There have been no references to glitter. I’ve broken three drinking glasses. My house is dirtier than Lindsay Lohan’s crotch. My fridge is emptier than Sarah Palin’s mind. Hell, I don’t think I’ve made a vagina joke in days. Yesterday, [...] I tell you guys it’s dangerous when you smell burning toast (YEAH TOAST!). You guys say, “But I love toast!” (YEAH TOAST!) Seriously. I can’t take you anywhere. I suspect my husband won’t be able to eat anything but dry toast (YEAH TOAST!) today based on his late arrival home this morning and the subsequent hours he spent [...] Me: Hi Pookie. Don: You answered! I thought you’d be busy with your genital origami. Me: My genitals are at Wicked. Don: You’re at Wicked right now? Me: No Rocco is. I know it’s not really your area of expertise, but there aren’t a whole lot of installations you can create with labia. Don: Oh. So what are you doing [...] Bunnies are supposed to be cute, not terrifying. #FAIL – Bun(ny) In The Oven http://bit.ly/bfhvSg @craftastrophe # Sitting in Bryant Park the other day, I was blinded by the sea of pasty white flesh. Shirtless elderly men, waiting for their turns at the bocce courts, straddled the lawn chairs backwards, the wide expanses of their wrinkled backs exposed to the sun. Business women lounged in their lacy camisoles, but only after carefully folding [...] I just spent ten minutes trying to figure out how to open my mouse to replace the batteries. The brain is not working. Hence the title of today’s post. But I can’t whip out that line and not tell you about the cyborg. See, we have some friends. Two of those friends got married, had sex, got [...] *drags forward a fair trade certified, paraben and phthalate free soap box, gives it a little dust off, climbs on, clears throat* Rod Stewart is the Antichrist. No wait, that’s not what I wanted to talk about today. Though while we’re slightly off topic and I’ve already made one reference to parabens and phthalates, please please PLEASE go [...] You know how sometimes someone makes some obscure off the cuff reference to something you’ve never heard of before that makes your head really hurt when you try and comprehend what they’ve said and then you’re all, “You made that up,” and they’re all, “Nu-uh it’s for realz,” and so you get on the internet and [...] |
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