I’m finding the whole space/time continuum thing really tricky today. Entire hours are disappearing right before my eyes and somehow I’m not accomplishing anything! *pauses to alphabetize “They Might Be Giants” CD’s on desk – tries to break world record for amount of time faux tap-dancing while seated – answers call from realtor trying to schedule an appointment for potential buyers*
I mean, there is SO much I need to do today. *takes a quick pee break and accidentally reads this week’s ‘Fashion Police’ section of US Weekly…again – may or may not have also paused to pop a ginormous chin zit which shot all over mirror – remembers realtors coming by this afternoon – washes mirror – then bathroom floor – then all the little groves on the back of the bathroom door – looks at watch – panics*
All this real estate stuff is really time intensive and stressful. *checks text messages, hops on Twitter to make sure John Cusack isn’t making an ass out of himself – he totally is – damn – updates status to acknowledge growing frustration with always having the house ready for realtors – then panics*
Fortunately the work stuff has really slowed down significantly. *watches as yet another person on is pulled out from the CVS across the street on a stretcher while a small puggle barks surprisingly loud – writes a quick post-it to remind Jon to make an appointment with his doctor – remembers Aloysius is only thirteen days away – looks at pile of wine bottles to be taken down for recycling – panics*
So in theory, I should have plenty of time to deal with all the other items on my ever growing “to do” list. *proceeds to jump up and sing “Do do do do – dah, dah, dah, dah” while practicing Sting pouty impersonation – no panicking – hallowed be The Police*
Yet I can’t seem to mark anything off that damn list. *checks email – watches a video of kittens on a slide no less than fifteen times while giggling – then watches a turtle on a slide twice – looks around apartment for possible sites of slide installation – remembers a realtor will be here in half an hour – sighs*
I had so hoped to work on a painting this afternoon, but I just don’t think I’ll have time. *waits patiently for Lucy to stop rubbing her ass on the mouse pad and purring maniacally – checks status of music import to iTunes – searches for the perfect cat-ass-rubbing song – burns another disc – marvels at how heavy jewel cases were in the 90′s – scratches cat’s ass – scratches own ass – looks at clock – panics*
See? I’ve been diligently sitting here waiting for inspiration to strike all morning, yet I have no post to show for it! *chews at hangnail – looks at nails in horror – returns to bathroom on a quest for a nail file – instead plucks eyebrows for fifteen minutes then alphabetizes cold meds in the medicine cabinet – wipes down sink since now covered in eyebrow hairs – then wipes down bathroom floor again – and the back of the bathroom door again – then more panicking*
So really, I’ve got nothing for you today, Interwebz. *suddenly realizes hasn’t showered since Monday – then wonders if actually remembered to shower on Monday – pulls out calendar – notices it’s a cousin’s birthday – hops on Facebook to wish happy birthday to cousin – four hours instantly lost*
Cue the brick wall for me to bang my head against. *publishes without checking for spelling or grammar errors – frantically pulls on a pair of jeans while scanning floor for any surprise piles of cat puke – runs out of house un-showered and frazzled…yet again*
See? You can write better than this. If you do, I’ll make you your very own piece o’ Elly art. Only two more days to go, Interwebz! Giddyup.
Sounds a bit like me today too. I’m just blaming it on the rain. I’m always surprised when I find someone else who likes TMBG. We used to go to their concert every year, but they stopped coming around here.
.-= Aunt Juicebox´s last blog ..Random Realz V =-.
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Now I want to sing Tom Petty’s “Don’t Come Around Here No More.”
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you’re neurosis is adorable and you have extraordnary taste in music!
fingers and toes crossed you don’t have to live through too many more showings.
ps: now following john cusack to satisfy my own neurosis.
.-= patty punker´s last blog ..i’d show you my asshole but it’s not pink enough =-.
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ADDERALL ADDERALL ADDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRALLLLLLL
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Monday Is A Stupid Little Whore =-.
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bwahahaha! even better than al pacino “attica, attica, attica”!
.-= patty punker´s last blog ..i’d show you my asshole but it’s not pink enough =-.
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Don’t do it Patty. He’s whackadoodle. You’ll just miss Lloyd Dobler even more.
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Bug,
Welcome to my world. Except replace all with panic and stomach aches. *BARF* – Feeling much better. Oh my god, I gotta read the post above me -that is how distracted I am.
Freakin’ love Sting.
Virginia.
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Doesn’t Jamie Lee Curtis hawk something to help with stomach aches?
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I hope you at least remembered to put on deodorant. Or Axe body spray.
.-= Libby´s last blog ..The Bright Side =-.
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Note to self: next time read Libby’s comments before running out the door. Doh.
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I am work reading blogs and pretending to be super efficient in my office which really means…what can I tweet next?
I could spend all day being this productive, in fact I have. I have been up since 4:30 am which means it is my bed time.
Also means I don’t spell check anything at this point, because it all looks like mumbo jumbo to me.
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Monday Is A Stupid Little Whore =-.
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That and you know how to spell WHORE in your sleep.
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Yes some things stay with you forever…like riding a bicycle!
.-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Monday Is A Stupid Little Whore =-.
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I was horrified, HORRIFIED, to discover that a short attention span, distractedness and brain fog comes along with menopause. I fought the good fight, but now I’ve just given in and accepted my new reality.
.-= Debra She Who Seeks´s last blog ..Auntie Beehive’s Hard Life =-.
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I blame chemo. At the very least I should get an excuse for being a space cadet out of cancer, right? Hey that thing on the floor is shiny!
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ok i meant “your neurosis” not “you’re neurosis”. i was going to write “you’re an adorable neurotic” but changed my mind and got distracted while editing my comment. someone pass the ritalin.
.-= patty punker´s last blog ..i’d show you my asshole but it’s not pink enough =-.
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Did you say something?
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STOP DOING ALL THAT BLOW ELLY.
God, I hate cat puke.
.-= Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..The Oracle of Madison High =-.
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It’s even better cold and in between your toes. Cat puke is, too.
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Though if you were actually doing blow, you wouldn’t be alphabetizing your TMBG Cds, you’d be dancing around to them in your underwear, pretending your cat was on Tiny Toons.
I mean, hypothetically, that’s what I imagine one might do.
.-= Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..The Oracle of Madison High =-.
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You make me laugh and get all dizzy at the same time. You have a real gift…where do you find the time?
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Wait’ll I bend the time/space continuum to my will! There will be NO stopping me!
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Kept me til the last word. Couldn’t love a blog writer more. Do I have another girl crush?
.-= carrie meadows´s last blog ..Bourbon Glazed Salmon =-.
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I hope so! *swoon* I always hoped I’d score a gal that could cook.
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Ok, I’m exhausted from reading that. Goodnight. Ummmm, also, chemo brain expires at the 6 month mark. I know these things. Can’t fool me.
.-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..I’ve Never Shot A Moose, But If Bullwinkle Really Pisses Me Off…. =-.
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I took a stab at productivity on Twitter and ended up realizing that I was just blathering on without looking to see what everyone else was saying. Come to think of it, that is exactly how I fight with my husband….
Anyway, you are still feeling the after effects of that massive rip we put in the fabric of time and space.
There is a reason you’ve been humming De do do do, De Da da da – You had to listen to that blowhard Sting in 1980 talk about his lyrics ad nauseam while I wrestled those tube socks off of Stewart.
Give yourself a day or two and you will start to recover the lost hours.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Hanging It Up =-.
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You just described my daily life so well I am IN AWE. Adult ADD is so fucking HAWT, isn’t it?!
(Oh LOOK! A commercial for the Daily Show. MMMM I love Jon Stewart. Crap! I am late picking up my kid! Happy Birthday, MOM! I’m hungry.)
.-= marymac´s last blog ..Hump Day: A Porn Movie Review- “Jersey Whores” =-.
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The fact someone else, let alone YOU, alphabetizes “They Might Be Giants” CD’s makes me love you even more. You’re a good human… And attention span is HIGHLY overrated, though I bet yours is better than you give yourself credit for
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