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Easily Distracted

I’m finding the whole space/time continuum thing really tricky today.  Entire hours are disappearing right before my eyes and somehow I’m not accomplishing anything!  *pauses to alphabetize “They Might Be Giants” CD’s on desk – tries to break world record for amount of time faux tap-dancing while seated – answers call from realtor trying to schedule an appointment for potential buyers*

I mean, there is SO much I need to do today.  *takes a quick pee break and accidentally reads this week’s ‘Fashion Police’ section of US Weekly…again – may or may not have also paused to pop a ginormous chin zit which shot all over mirror – remembers realtors coming by this afternoon – washes mirror – then bathroom floor – then all the little groves on the back of the bathroom door – looks at watch – panics*

All this real estate stuff is really time intensive and stressful. *checks text messages, hops on Twitter to make sure John Cusack isn’t making an ass out of himself – he totally is – damn – updates status to acknowledge growing frustration with always having the house ready for realtors – then panics*

Fortunately the work stuff has really slowed down significantly.  *watches as yet another person on is pulled out from the CVS across the street on a stretcher while a small puggle barks surprisingly loud – writes a quick post-it to remind Jon to make an appointment with his doctor – remembers Aloysius is only thirteen days away – looks at pile of wine bottles to be taken down for recycling – panics*

So in theory, I should have plenty of time to deal with all the other items on my ever growing “to do” list.  *proceeds to jump up and sing “Do do do do – dah, dah, dah, dah” while practicing Sting pouty impersonation – no panicking – hallowed be The Police*

Yet I can’t seem to mark anything off that damn list.  *checks email – watches a video of kittens on a slide no less than fifteen times while giggling – then watches a turtle on a slide twice – looks around apartment for possible sites of slide installation – remembers a realtor will be here in half an hour – sighs*

I had so hoped to work on a painting this afternoon, but I just don’t think I’ll have time.  *waits patiently for Lucy to stop rubbing her ass on the mouse pad and purring maniacally – checks status of music import to iTunes – searches for the perfect cat-ass-rubbing song – burns another disc – marvels at how heavy jewel cases were in the 90’s – scratches cat’s ass – scratches own ass – looks at clock – panics*

See?  I’ve been diligently sitting here waiting for inspiration to strike all morning, yet I have no post to show for it!  *chews at hangnail – looks at nails in horror – returns to bathroom on a quest for a nail file – instead plucks eyebrows for fifteen minutes then alphabetizes cold meds in the medicine cabinet – wipes down sink since now covered in eyebrow hairs – then wipes down bathroom floor again – and the back of the bathroom door again – then more panicking*

So really, I’ve got nothing for you today, Interwebz.  *suddenly realizes hasn’t showered since Monday – then wonders if actually remembered to shower on Monday – pulls out calendar – notices it’s a cousin’s birthday – hops on Facebook to wish happy birthday to cousin – four hours instantly lost*

Cue the brick wall for me to bang my head against.  *publishes without checking for spelling or grammar errors – frantically pulls on a pair of jeans while scanning floor for any surprise piles of cat puke – runs out of house un-showered and frazzled…yet again*

See?  You can write better than this.  If you do, I’ll make you your very own piece o’ Elly art.  Only two more days to go, Interwebz!  Giddyup.

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