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The Irrefutable Truth

I still have face cramps from grinning maniacally while reading this post yesterday. Don’t click over unless you want to lose hours of your life reading through her archives. That girl just plain tickles my funny bone. (That sentence looks weird. I need to stop looking at a computer screen, obviously.)

As I day dreamed about vampires and traipsed around Hoboken yesterday, I got to thinking. (It’s true, no good can come of such a thing.) Vampires do exist. I’m quite sure. Stop laughing. It’s not just wishful thinking. I have proof.

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I give you Demi Moore.

1982

1988

1993

1997

2003

2010

Those pictures span a period of nearly thirty years. THIRTY YEARS. Obviously she isn’t aging. Like at all. That bitch. Less than 30 years ago I looked like this. Girlie doesn’t seem to be affected by the passing of time at all.

I think Ashton is also a vampire. I’m not sure who “changed” who yet. I’m still researching and testing my hypothesis. Feel free to weigh in with your own.

Just for comparison, let’s look at Bruce then and now:

Bruce Then

Yeah. I think it’s safe to say that Bruce isn’t the one who “changed” Demi. No doubt years of trying to keep her situation a secret has taken a toll on the man. Let’s compare the aging process on some one not as entwined with Demi. Like Emilio Estevez:

Emilio Then

Emilio Now

Go Emilio! You’re holding your own! If I wasn’t comparing you to a vampire, people would probably be pretty impressed with how well you’re holding up after thirty years of listening to your brother’s jokes and rehab stories.

Men have an unfair advantage when it comes to aging. Let me pick another gal. Since I can’t stop dropping lines from Short Circuit, how about Ally Sheedy?

Ally in 1983

Ally in 2010

Ally in 2010

I rest my case. Vampires are real and Demi Moore is irrefutable proof. Now that THAT’s all settled, where should I send my application?

20 comments to The Irrefutable Truth

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