The Irrefutable Truth

I still have face cramps from grinning maniacally while reading this post yesterday. Don’t click over unless you want to lose hours of your life reading through her archives. That girl just plain tickles my funny bone. (That sentence looks weird. I need to stop looking at a computer screen, obviously.)

As I day dreamed about vampires and traipsed around Hoboken yesterday, I got to thinking. (It’s true, no good can come of such a thing.) Vampires do exist. I’m quite sure. Stop laughing. It’s not just wishful thinking. I have proof.

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I give you Demi Moore.

1982

1988

1993

1997

2003

2010

Those pictures span a period of nearly thirty years. THIRTY YEARS. Obviously she isn’t aging. Like at all. That bitch. Less than 30 years ago I looked like this. Girlie doesn’t seem to be affected by the passing of time at all.

I think Ashton is also a vampire. I’m not sure who “changed” who yet. I’m still researching and testing my hypothesis. Feel free to weigh in with your own.

Just for comparison, let’s look at Bruce then and now:

Bruce Then

Yeah. I think it’s safe to say that Bruce isn’t the one who “changed” Demi. No doubt years of trying to keep her situation a secret has taken a toll on the man. Let’s compare the aging process on some one not as entwined with Demi. Like Emilio Estevez:

Emilio Then

Emilio Now

Go Emilio! You’re holding your own! If I wasn’t comparing you to a vampire, people would probably be pretty impressed with how well you’re holding up after thirty years of listening to your brother’s jokes and rehab stories.

Men have an unfair advantage when it comes to aging. Let me pick another gal. Since I can’t stop dropping lines from Short Circuit, how about Ally Sheedy?

Ally in 1983

Ally in 2010
Ally in 2010

I rest my case. Vampires are real and Demi Moore is irrefutable proof. Now that THAT’s all settled, where should I send my application?

20 thoughts on “The Irrefutable Truth

  1. Dear Bug,

    Holy crap, I didn’t think I’d get here. In between you and Ms. Wicked I have been lurking blogs of hot men, sex toys and pictures of doors (no idea). Once again, after I read your post I have been vindicated. I have always believed in vampires. Although I question the one that glitters in daylight. FAIL. Only penises and vagina glitter. Vampires melt in the sun not glitter. Get it right Ms. Meyer.

    Fangbanger, I mean Virginia.
    .-= Virginia´s last blog ..Penis Glitter and Why I am not so sure about that trip to India. =-.

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    Wait, glitter melts in the sun? THE HORROR!

    Well played, Fangbaner.

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  2. You know who else is a vampire?? MILA JOVANOVONIVITICH or whoever. Also Larry King (It just makes sense). Also Cindy Crawford. Tyra Banks isn’t. Whoopie Goldberg might be. I can’t tell if she’s aging or if she’s just always been 67.
    .-= Hellachella´s last blog ..Beach Vampire Bingo =-.

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  3. Demi definitely turned Ashton. She was around back in the 17th Century. I am fairly certain she turned him in the early 1900’s. It all comes together in my dreams. Also a vampire, Ann Curry from The Today Show. Which makes me incredibly happy. Smart, beautiful and will always be there. *comforted vagina face*
    .-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..So I Saved A Few People Today =-.

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  4. Hella Chella is some kind of awesome!

    And Demi is a Vampire for sure…remember general hospital back when there was no tv and you had to listen to it on the radio…she was there!

    Some people think I am a vampire…but its just because I burst into flames in the sun and have an extraordinary sense of smell…oh and the fang.

    I haven’t drank human blood yet though so I am the good kind.
    .-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Sleepsex, Dog Years & Grapefruit =-.

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  5. That guy standing behind Demi in the 2010 photo clearly suspects as much. Look at his eyes. He’s getting ready to whip out his stake and hammer to end it all.
    So anyway, I’m more disturbed by that freaky ass picture of current Ally Sheedy you managed to dig up.
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..A Trip Through Your Wires =-.

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    She was on Psych – my guilty pleasure. She looks good as a deranged serial killer, right?

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