It’s Monday, it’s sunny, and there’s a whole new blog post from your favorite Elly. See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?
Actually, if you want to swing on over to Craftastrophe, you can score a second Elly-infused post! Yes Interwebz, those fools decided to provide me with yet another platform for inappropriateness and sarcasm. I took it easy on them for the first go round, didn’t use the word “vagina” even once. I’ll be posting there every Monday morning and hopefully making your return to the daily grind slightly less traumatic. Next time you stumble upon a really disturbing craft project and think to yourself, “I had no idea you could do that with macrame,” send me the link!
Back to the blog at hand – It’s that time of the month again. Well, yes my uterus is leaking but that’s not what I meant. It’s time to review the sick and twisted searches that brought new (and now scarred) readers to my little BugginWorld. There are SO many that made me giggle this month so bear with me. I’ll try and group them a bit so you don’t claw your eyes out. Actually, some of them are pretty horrifying on their own so eye clawing is a very real possibility.
Peppy the Piss Clam – Obviously someone is working on a children’s book about a plucky little mollusk named Peppy and his adventures off the coast of New England. That’s the ONLY possibility I’m willing to consider this early in the week. Incidentally, that could be a really fun book to illustrate.
Rocco’s Bitch Party cast – Remember when I said my husband worked in theater? I always thought he worked behind the scenes. In other news, I’m no longer speaking to my husband. Also, I’m stockpiling antibiotic creams.
creative use for extra creamed corn – Somehow I doubt this person seriously considered using their leftovers in performance art, but that’s the only suggestion housed on this site. I should really remedy that. Don’t be surprised to see a helpful and informative post on utilizing discarded creamed corn before the month is over. If I do it right, I might also have some new corn crafts to mock on Craftastrophe. (Say that five times fast.)
I can haz blowjob – Brilliant! Why didn’t I think of combining Lolcats with Perez Hilton?! Lolcelebrities would dominate next year’s Bloggies. Too bad I can’t seem to keep even one website running.
God’s snatch – What are the odds that thing has been vagazzled? *cowers and sheepishly looks out window for storm clouds or sudden bursts of lightening*
do ladybugs pee – No. They tinkle.
fingernail porn – I think I’m most obsessed with this one. Those are two words that I really never expected to see so close together. I don’t even know how to envision such a thing. Do you think it’s just twenty minutes of some scantily clad person clipping their nails while soft funk music plays in the background? I wonder if Peppy makes a cameo.
Excuse me, have you seen my automobile? – I don’t know about you, but any day of mine is better after a quick viewing of this clip. Oh John Hughes, why were you so obsessed with ducks?
vagina coiffure – Visuals are dangerous. Now I’m picturing an Elvis Presley-esque bouffant perched above some gal’s lady bits. I wonder if you’d have to wear a hair net at night to keep everything just so. I’m not getting a flat iron anywhere near mine. The end.
sock puppet wearing speedo – Because I’m such a trooper, I went ahead and searched that term for you guys just in case one of you NEEDED a sock puppet wearing a speedo. I’m sad to tell you, none such a sock puppet exists. I couldn’t even find an image of a man in a speedo holding a sock puppet. I’ll just add that bad boy to the bottom of my project list, right between “fix bugginword.com” and “start Lolcelebrities.”
Rather than tell you all the horribly disturbing things that people want to do to miniature ponies, I’ll leave you with one last shameless plug to encourage you to go play at Craftastrophe. They find some real jewels out there. For instance, here’s a little something for all you shoe freaks.
I spent some time over there (craftastrophe) just looking intently at that elephant and worrying about it. Then I noticed that the baby doll on the top of the page looked hauntingly familiar. It’s obviously a Stewart Copeland doll with many hands.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Ready or Not, Here Comes a Thought =-.
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All the better to drum with, my dear!
In other news, a hot pink polka dotted destructicorn would be beyond bad ass.
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On a lighter note…..
Is Hoboken done with the green beer and celebrations?
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Ready or Not, Here Comes a Thought =-.
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Ah yes, it’s just one day…unless you count all the green, crusty walks of shame that happen the following morning.
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“Do ladybugs pee” was me. Sorry.
.-= Debra She Who Seeks´s last blog ..Happy International Women’s Day! =-.
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We totally were playing on each other’s blogs simultaneously. Jinx you owe me a coke! (I’d prefer a margarita though – or a ukulele).
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Thank the Sky Fairy I’m not the only one who searches for Sock Puppet Wearing Speedo… Few.
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Hey thanks for liking my song You Can’t Keep A Good Girl Down…get yerself a Uke..they are easy to play and fun…I took my first class at the Rec. Dept here in Long Beach, California…Have Fun..but it looks like you already do that..Cynthia
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I’m still laughing about “God’s snatch”. I mean, I totally thought that most religions taught that God was a man. So why would he have a snatch? Or were they trying to find snatch that belongs to God? Like maybe Mary’s snatch. This is too mindboggling for a monday.
♥Spot
PS~ I cowered and looked for freak lightening too. I’m always worried about being smited or smote or whatever.
.-= Spot´s last blog ..I’m not lazy, I’m radical =-.
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I can’t conjugate either. I still think the past tense of freak should be froke.
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My weekend has been empty without you…other than the porn and popcorn party. The strippers on Friday were pretty interesting. Sunday’s cat fest was fun, they wrestled gators in my living room and won, purrrrrrr. Other than that, all I could do was think of you……….and clams……..hmmmmmmm
.-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..A Wicked Heads Up =-.
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Somehow I doubt that…well not the clams part.
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If ‘Peppy the Piss Clam’ isn’t the name of a rock band, it NEEDS TO BE IMMEDIATELY.
Can you play bass?
.-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Sciatica-ca =-.
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Conveniently, bass is the only instrument I’ve ever played in a band! I imagine you play the flute, no?
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The creamed corn scared me a little… nope a lot. Maybe it’s just my mind, hmmm. Freaks!! ;0)
.-= Eternally Distracted´s last blog ..Your secret’s safe with me… =-.
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I always knew you had a fetish for creamed foods. I just pegged you as a cream of wheat kind of gal.
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I hear “fingernail porn” and imagine a manicure where each nail is a version of those old pens where you turn it upside down and the lady’s dress comes off. Like, ten of those tiny scenes.
It’s possible I’m not quite right in the head.
.-= Falling´s last blog ..This is Why I Don’t Get Invited to More Parties =-.
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Holy crap is that even possible? I want that manicure. I was obsessed with those pens!
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