The Interwebz can be a very dangerous place, my darlings. Luckily, you have me to…well…not exactly SHIELD you. You are a delicate flower that surely doesn’t spend the same volume of hours I do surfing for weird shit. I like to think my role is to make sure you don’t miss the really seedy stuff that [...]
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Some mornings I sit and look at this blank screen and I have abso-smurfly nothing to say. That little blinking cursor just appears and disappears, over and over again, relentlessly taunting my uninspired ass. This is such a day. Fucking blinking cursor. I just read that Ricky Martin is gay. In other breaking news, my name is Elly, [...] They weren’t supposed to leave until tomorrow, but that Mom o’ mine is like a horse. No, she doesn’t have disturbingly large nostrils and front teeth…much. Once she smells the barn there’s just no keeping her away. Also, I may or may not have worn them the fuck out. Mom’s seventy year old knees do not take [...] Ever wanted to decapitate those Twilight guys? Someone already has. Glitter needed, STAT. http://bit.ly/dbbZXJ # Well Miss Krissy, it’s a good thing that you have “so muchroom for a mushroom” because I’ll be mailing you a hand-painted, fifteen pound concrete phallus later today. Just for good measure, I had everyone (Mom, Dad, Rocco, Thom, and Lucy) give the cap a little lick before I nestled Flournoy atop his bed of packing [...] First and foremost, if you haven’t yet entered to win your very own humongous fungus, skootch on over here. You’ve got less than 24 hours to enter. May the best fungophile win! Second, thanks for the lovin’ on yesterday’s post. Good thing I’m such a hard callous bitch or you kids would have had me all weepy [...] I know I write about my vagina a lot. Ok A LOT a lot A LOT. But I still hesitated when SEXIS invited me to write a piece for their webzine. I went to my brother for advice. Me: I got a call back to write for a sex magazine. Drew: make me a [...] To say that I have a girl crush on Annie Leonard would be a ginormous understatement. She’s beautiful, intelligent, and a shameless tree-hugging hippie. Seriously, I LURV her. If you’ve never seen her Story of Stuff, go watch it now. Sure you won’t be able to sleep for at least a week, but watch it anyway. Yesterday [...] I’m a wee bit distracted today because I can’t stop singing “Rock Me Sexy Jesus.” (Really, go watch the trailer for Hamlet 2. It’ll make your Monday.) It’s just going to be that kind of day. I can tell already. Did your grade school have a morning show? Mine did. Every morning, they’d turn on the TV [...] This film makes me want to pluck up NYC, put it in a locket, and wear it close to my heart – my own private jewel. http://bit.ly/cmzow2 # |
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