Me: Are you looking forward to your trip to Paris?
Gwen: I guess so. I’m not very prepared.
Me: What, like you’ve got no clean underwear? You don’t have all your vaccinations?
Gwen: No, I haven’t read any of the guide books or picked up any French phrases.
Me: You don’t know any French? Not even the lyrics to Lady Marmalade?
Gwen: Well, I know how to say “thanks” and “pardon” but that’s about it. I don’t even know how to say “you’re welcome.”
Me: Its not “de nada?”
Gwen: That’s Spanish.
Me: Well apparently I don’t know any French either. Though I do love me some fromage.
Gwen: Matt has all the guide books and he’s been there like three times already. I’m not worried about it. I’m really just in it for the croissants and the shopping.
Me: Well then all you need to know is “merde.”
Gwen: What’s “merde” mean?
Me: “How much is this?” It’s the French version of “cuanto cuesta.” When you’re shopping or at a croissant shop, just point at the thing you want and ask, “Pardonnez-moi, merde s’il vous plait?” The French love it when you use their language. You’ll get fantastic service.
That’s some shitty advice.
*rimshot*
.-= KeepingYouAwake´s last blog ..On the Job Training =-.
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I’m sorry, who are you again? Have we met before?
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Hey, stop picking on me. I need a grown up!!!
But really, I think I’m back.
.-= KeepingYouAwake´s last blog ..On the Job Training =-.
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And while you’re being so helpful, tell Gwen that if any French people get all excited and start gesticulating at her, she should simply laugh pleasantly and say “Mangez de la merde!” That will calm things down.
.-= Debra She Who Seeks´s last blog ..Climbing to Tintagel: Part 1 =-.
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I have a sneaking suspicion she’ll hear that phrase at least once or twice during her trip.
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Yeah, pretty shitty. I went to Europe and we planned nothing. It was awesome. Never knew where we were going to sleep.
.-= mepsipax´s last blog ..I am a Dick =-.
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…or bathe.
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Just tell her to repeatedly say, ” In English!” They really love that. OMG, I have never wanted to punch a travel companion so badly in my life!!!
.-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..You Aren’t Prince Honey, Enough With The Pussy Control =-.
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In Spain, Rocco couldn’t distinguish the difference between dos and doce. Every time he ordered drinks we ended up with 12 of them. So, you know, it wasn’t all bad.
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Merde is not so bad… just don’t instruct her to say tabernac. That’s the french equivalent of goddamn + fuck.
.-= Hellachella´s last blog ..Voila! Pretty much the most awesome prize ever. Win it. =-.
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Now I just want to travel to France and try that bad boy out! Can you make it a person, like fucker? Is a tabernacer one who tabernacs? Am I seriously this excited about a new swear word? Oh hell…
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Thanks for the tips – I feel so much more prepared now. Except I might still need the french version of “Mein pimmel is un flamendorfer.” Except with the word for vagina.
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Why would you want to say “my penis is a vagina?” I think “flamethrower” is way better. PS still not talking to you.
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LOL. Yes. Merde will get your special treatment alright.
The word Merde when appeared in the play Ubu Roi in 1896 started a riot in the French theatre, and arguably the arrival of modern theatre. I have a dear place in my heart for the word. And for KYW, here is http://www.instantrimshot.com/
.-= submom´s last blog ..WTF Wednesday: The Price of Tomatoes =-.
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For serious. It’s like Jesus-Fuckshit which is one of my swearwords of choice along with Shitballs and Damnfuckit. Tabernac is something you exclaim but never in front of your mother or old ladies. The french will say cunt and shit and fuck in the elementary school assembly address, but start using tabernac and you are a bottom feeder.
I live 10 minutes from Quebec, all french.
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Well its about time I got a new swear word! Twatwaffle was starting to lose its luster.
Apparently I’m french…a french bottom feeder.
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You’re forgetting the basic rule of foreign travel: speak English very LOUDLY…AND…SLOWLY at people. Yay, Americans!
.-= Falling´s last blog ..Insert Clever Title Here =-.
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That’s why I only travel to England. And Canada. But not the French part. Of Canada..not England. I don’t think there’s a French part of England. Except maybe France. But I think that’s more Europe than England. I suck at geography. And commenting, apparently.
.-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Panning for Golden Showers =-.
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What about French Australia? Does that count? Maybe you should stick to formal penal colonies. Heh. Penal.
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I just want to thank you for stopping by my post yesterday
http://www.pajamasandcoffee.com/?p=2322
with your tres magnifique advice! Which is about as awesome as the advice you gave you poor croissant friend.
WHY ARE YOU TRY TO GET PEOPLE KILLED IN PARIS?!?!?
I am just going to go ahead and only sing Lady Marmalade lyrics. That will be safer.
Merdehead!
.-= marymac´s last blog ..Hump Day: Mary Had a Little Lamb =-.
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