It seems I’m allergic to something other than Rod Stewart. I woke up this morning with gigantic Angelina Jolie lips protruding from my face. This photo is AFTER I took a Benadryl last night to try and combat the swelling.
Fat Lips
I’m a human frickin’ pufferfish.
I have a giant hemorrhoid for a mouth.
I’ve seen baboon asses that were less inflamed.
My mouth is bigger than Matthew McConaughey’s ego.
It’s even bigger than Greg Oden’s well documented dong.
It’s really quite uncomfortable, I must admit. Yet I can’t help but crack up every time I pass a mirror. I look like I’ve had more collagen injected in these bad boys than Octomom has.
My ever supportive husband suggested a I try a blow job to calm the swelling. What a prince among men. Remind me to smack him when he gets home.
Speaking of which, Mom thinks I might be allergic to Rocco. “Guess you’ll just have to get rid of him then.” After his previous helpful suggestion, I’m considering it, Mom.
That’s all I have for you today as I’m going to take another Benadryl and most likely spend the majority of the day in a drug induced haze drooling on the couch. So all in all, it should be a pretty standard Saturday. Score.
While I’m watering my throw pillows, feel free to add your own interpretation of what the hell ever is happening on my face right now.
Summabitch.
blow jobs are probably the problem.
Consider this your reminder.
Mrsblogalot´s last blog ..Sex, Taxes…What’s the Difference?
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I totally look like your whore head. So feel free to do my hair and makeup.
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Hey, lots of women pay big bucks to look like that. And you get it for free, you lucky girl!
Debra She Who Seeks´s last blog ..Another Judy Chicago Pilgrimage
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Firstly, that’s an improvement on Angelina. secondly, this same thing has been happening to me since July. Turns out (for me) it’s corn. Corn hates me. Corn is Satan. Corn wants everyone who sees me to think I have an infectious disease. You must find what it is that hates you, and it’ll probably be something you love.
Jaime´s last blog ..Follow the leader…
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Summabitch, I ate a new kind of popcorn last night. I heart popcorn. I think you might have just broken my heart. Popped satan. Damn.
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OK I had no idea who Greg Oden was, but I just HAD to look. I mean, seriously….you mention dong, and I have to look. wtf is wrong with me? LOL
Aunt Juicebox´s last blog ..A Day In the Life of………….Me
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What is RIGHT with you? It’s hard for me to use the word dong without a reference to Sixteen Candles. “Have you seen my automobile?”
I’m a hot mess on 50mg of Benadryl.
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You know what you’d tell me in this situation: Vaseline, baby.
Falling´s last blog ..Tonight, On a Very Special Falling…
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I’m slapping it on with wild abandon….and latex.
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I have no idea what has happened and don’t really care… I just think it looks funny and I like laughing at your pain! ;0)
Eternally Distracted´s last blog ..Any patience for sale?
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That’s what I’m here for. Bring on the mockery.
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That’s a pretty hot look you’re rockin’. I would lay off the benadryl and just go with it. LMAO Besides, Vaseline and latex, that just sounds sexxxxxy!!!
Poor Elly, you got caught with your lips around the cookie jar. *giggle*
Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..Sexual Addiction, Really? I Need More Information…
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Damn sista! I’ve got to say I find this look strangely appealing. I see where Rocco is coming from (well I would see it if I was male). Make sure you get pics of yourself engaged in many hilarious activities with your new lips because you might miss them once they are gone.
Kelly´s last blog ..Some Things That Cropped Up While Working on the 5th Grade Art Project
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So far the only cool thing involves drool. Hubba. Hubba.
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For the past week I’ve had the same thing. It honestly feels like I’ve wrapped my lips around my teeth all night like I was giving an 8 hour blow job. I even asked B if he was forcing his penis in my mouth. WHAT IS GOING ON
Amanda´s last blog ..Warning: DO NOT SHIT YOURSELF OVER THIS. actually I guess that’s more of a request than a warning. whatever.
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The hell! It’s an epidemic!
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hey it’s like free plastic surgery (without the ass fat getting injected into your lips part)!
fidget´s last blog ..Lollipop making
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I’m with Kelly, you need to get pictures… Damn, I’m late. Has it gone down already?!? That’s what HE said. hahahaha
KeepingYouAwake´s last blog ..I Love Movies More Than You
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I’m all better. You get nothing. Denied.
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strangely jealous.
ry sal´s last blog ..Mari’s Random Five – Any Excuse to Love
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