Written by BugginWord
Apparently you people think I talk about vaginas a lot. (Side note: it still drives me absolutely batty that vaginas is apparently not the actual plural of vagina. For some reason I can’t bring myself to type vaginae. So suck it, spell check – I’m going rogue. But not in a Sarah Palin way. She’s a vagina represidator.)
Anyway, back at a un-vattooed vagina in Hoboken. I met Rocco and some of his co-workers for a quick drink the other night. As I walked up, someone said, “This is the girl that writes about vaginas.” I should really work that onto my business cards somehow. As a result, one of the ladies regaled us with a recent conversation she had shared with her daughter.
“Mom, Dar pulled me down the stairs and I fell right on my vagina.”
“I’m sorry, honey.”
“Why do I always fall vagina first?”
It was like a giant light bulb exploded in my cranium. Fall vagina first? I didn’t even know that was physically possible. I fall all the time. It’s kinda my thing. But in my 4.697 gazillion falls (estimated) I have never fallen vagina first.
Had I known I had the option, I’m sure I would have spent way more of my Columbia Records days falling vagina first on the likes of Will Smith, Maxwell, and Joey McIntyre (NKOTB forevah!). I would have somehow found a way on stage during the Police reunion tour so I could have “accidentally” impaled myself on Sting. Justin Timberlake would have two more restraining orders – one against me and one against my gravitationally challenged vagina.
Oh the world of possibilities that suddenly opened before me (pun totally intended.)
I was pulled out of my reverie to hear the mom continue her story. “So I told her, ‘I don’t know, honey, but you need to stop.’”
Hear me, little girl. Ignore your mother. Do not loose your gift. Hone this exquisite and unique talent. And then teach me.
Written by BugginWord
Maryland is a strange place, Interwebz.
After our long, uke-filled car ride, we were eager to get settled into our room at the world famous Hampton Inn of Fruitland. A ridiculously chipper blond manned the desk. I plopped Herbert, sheathed in his powder blue bag, atop the counter and began rummaging through my bag. “Checking in,” I [...]
Written by BugginWord
Well according to Ryan, you guys like it when I keep you updated on current events. That, my lovelies, is why I’m bringing this article to your attention. It might even be better than the chick that got arrested for shaving her pubes while driving. You’re welcome.
A Georgia woman said a weekend outing turned into [...]
Written by BugginWord
It started over lunch with a friend.
Melissa is smart as a whip, well spoken, and deliberate with every thought and action. But for some reason, she is still willing to occasionally meet with my grammatically challenged ass to discuss writing and gab about life in general.
Melissa: “I have to tell you about this book I’m reading.”
Me: [...]
Written by BugginWord
Just passed a farm stand selling 50 lbs of potatoes for $12. Um, Maryland? What the hell do you do with 50 lbs of potatoes? #
So what does Dad says to a crew of sleep deprived, hungover peeps? "It doesn't matter if it's real, it just has to exist." Oh my head. #
I have to catch [...]
Written by BugginWord
Herbert broke a string, so I’ve got no uke-ical stylings for you today. I know. You’re destroyed. But I promise I’ll learn something for next week, k? Feel free to make your requests in the comments. (Yes Kelly, I’m working on Iron Man already…)
I have my quarterly date with Aloysius later this afternoon. Nothing says “Happy [...]
Written by BugginWord
I’m back, bitches. I’ll give you the highlights of Ocean City next week, but I would be remiss if I didn’t at least try and convey what it’s like to spend hours in the car with my husband and little brother. This basically sums up all the conversations we had…you know, in between Thom plunking away [...]
Written by BugginWord
Today’s post is from the devastatingly beautiful, tube sock-swinging Kelly of Dufmanno fame. If I had to describe her with a single word, it would be “vagtacular.” Good thing I didn’t call her that BEFORE asking her to guest post, eh?
Leave aside for one second the question of WHY Elly let me guest post on her [...]
Written by BugginWord
Today’s grammatically correct and well written post is from the surprisingly tall RySal. You can normally find her baking away while listening to They Might Be Giants over at For The Birds. She has, quite possibly, the sexiest set of legs I’ve ever seen. But because I was warned she was a wee bit shy, I [...]
Written by BugginWord
I survived the wedding, but now I’m off trying to survive the after, after, after party in some ridiculously tanned and buffed land called “Ocean City.” Since it’s probably not wise for me to continue crawling back up onto the roof just to capture this weak-ass pirated wireless network, I’ve lined up a few guest posts [...]
